 Yep, it’s Thursday. We’re darned near the end of the week. I’m happy to report that Cousin Fred was able to find the necessary cables and cords we’ll need to power and feed the huge video screens we’ve leased for the upcoming A Clustering of Gigolos Music Festival this summer.
Only problem is, we’ve nearly burned through the remaining royalties we got for the first season of Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed. What with sound system leases and video system leases and trucking interests to get it all here (at a family discount) and the non-driving Buddhist vegan with irretrievably poor vision OKC consultant…it costs money to throw a party this big! And, you people aren’t doing your part! Come on! Go to Ticketmister today and buy your festival pass. Cousin Fred and I are depending on you! For those of you familiar with CCB’s sordid past, Mr. Kim is en route The Compound today to set up the apparatus to make tons of his famous (infamous more like it) plum wine hooch (100 proof) for the festival. It looks as though we’ll have a bumper crop of sand plums this year, so we won’t have to buy a lot of product. Mr. Kim swears he can turn out the stuff overnight. Imagine the sight of countless (countless, I’m telling you) Gigolos and Gigolettes dancing naked to the sounds of metallic hop with a side of psychedelic glam-punk string band as Cousin Fred and I perform as the Deranged Mummers Parade. All while strung out on an endless stream of Mr. Kim’s plum wine hooch. Sweet dreams are made of this, people…buy a damned festival pass! With all these people hanging around The Compound and more on the way, it’s getting tough to feed everyone. Still, we’re managing. My big offset smoker grill, Big Bertha, is going nearly constantly turning out smoked meats. On my grill the beef meanders with the pork which fraternizes with the chicken which accommodates the slow-roasted vegetables…it’s an open-minded smoker, Bertha is. And then, this morning, in my overnight newsfeed, I find that a bunch of Japanese so-called scientists have released a report about the dangers of BBQ meat. What struck me as I was reading about the report is that my beef (pardon the pun) isn’t so much with the scientists as it is with the writer who wrote the damn story. Allow me to summarize… So this bunch of scientists (evil bastards) in Japan conducted a study on the effects of meat cooked over direct heat (that’s their first error…no one cooks over direct heat anymore) with the flames licking the bottom of whatever you’re cooking. Hint – it may cause cancer. No sh*t. Everyone knows that, it goes back to the ‘70’s I think. The crux of this study is that they are able to describe that process that forms the organic chemical bonds blah blah blah. The Japanese so-called scientists (probably a bunch of vegans) pointed out that the rats they injected with the compounds were getting MASSIVE DOSES of the stuff. Much higher doses then humans would possibly consume. F**k oh Dear. Hmmmm…I smell animal cruelty. Plus the language was full of mays and coulds and potentiallys. Typical. BUT, the writer of this nonsense must have been paid by the word because she really fluffed things up with statements like, “…processed meat, such as hot dogs, beef jerky, bacon and ham, were carcinogenic to humans…” Ummmm…yeah, normally I’m smoking unprocessed meats, but okay. And then this: “…Beef, lamb and pork raises the risk of death from cancer, Alzheimer's disease, heart disease and diabetes, scientists have found…” That was followed by quotes from scientists telling us not to throw out our grills – a good thing since Bertha weighs 400 lbs – just slow down on the consumption. Thhhhppppppptttttttttt! Let me tell you, friends…pork is our friend. There is nothing else in the world better than moist and tasty smoked pork. And beef? This is beef country, you dumbass scientists. Take your severely infected rodents back to the lab. If you wish to read this article yourself (trust me, it’s flawed), here’s the link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-4582312/Grilled-meat-links-cancer-studies-claims.html Who wants smoked brisket this weekend? Better get here before Cousin Fred chews his way through. That is all! Comments are closed.
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