 0400, The Compound, inside the storm cellar (aka, The Compound Bunker). Just came above ground to receive and download the overnight intelligence (no Wi-Fi in the hidey hole). There’s an entire scene going on above ground at that hour.
Cousin Fred is naked and sort of dancing around the front lawn. At least I thought he was dancing. Turns out, he keeps stepping on sandburs and leaping about (it’s a bumper crop this year). Apparently, it’s been his nightly ritual since the shipment of Bigfoot Juice arrived. At the stroke of midnight, he strips and slathers himself in the stuff and then cavorts around the yard hoping to draw Bigfoot from the pasture. So far, nothing. Earlier this week, I was down in Lawton for a couple of days meeting with some people. Pretty country down there…get this, they actually have trees. I’m not lying! And, there are rivers and creeks with actual water in them. Oh, and, lakes without dead bovines floating around (can be used as a lifesaving flotation device). And, get this, it’s still in Oklahoma! Go figure. Anyway, I was down there to meet with some people and the package of Bigfoot Juice arrived at The Compound. Cousin Fred and the Hairdressing Hydrologist Gigi took it upon themselves to develop the plan for drawing a genuine Bigfoot out of one of the cow pastures that surround us here. I returned home and heard about their plans. I commented that they were more likely to draw a Bigfoot down in Lawton where things appear more Bigfoot-like, hoping the two of them would run off to the south. No luck there. Speaking of the Hairdressing Hydrologist Gigi, I don’t see her anywhere. If she has any sense, she’s dead asleep at this hour in The Cab (Cabinet Saloon Replication) on the north lawn. The Wife is up on the roof (her favorite spot at night). She’s watching Cousin Fred leap about trying to loosen the grip of those darned sandburs and cackling her fool head off. Her usual bottle of Old Crow whiskey is one hand and an unfiltered Pall Mall cigarette dangles from her mouth. All in all, a typical 4 AM scene here at The Compound. I asked The Wife if she could see Nibiru approaching from the south yet. She muttered something and then flicked her lit cig at me, bouncing it off my forehead. That was followed by more cackling and a shout of, “Bombs away!” and more cackling. I took that as a no. That is, after all, why I’m down in The Compound Bunker. We are roughly 24 hours away from Nibiru slamming into the Earth over the South Pole. Even if that doesn’t happen, there’s the special session of the Oklahoma State Legislature to deal with on Monday. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a million times…WE’RE ALL DOOMED! As many of you loyal readers probably already know, I get my overnight intelligence from a great source…dailymail.com. After downloading, I open the page and first have to work my way through all of the stories about teachers all over the country seducing their students. What the hell is going with these people? I bet McDonalds is adding hormones to the beef again. Seriously, there isn’t a day that goes by that you don’t read about some teacher having a fling with a student. But, I digress… Then I discover that NoKo looney toon Supreme Moron Kim Jong Uno is now threatening to detonate a hydrogen bomb in the ocean. And, you people wonder why I cower in a hidey hole? That announcement came on the heels of commentary made by Supreme Moron regarding his arch-nemesis, The Trump. The Trump goes to the UN the other day and lays into…well, just about everyone. Not necessarily a diplomatic move, certainly not very presidential, but we’ve come to expect that sort of thing from him. And, it was the only time he’s ever been able to get leaders from other countries to sit and listen to him rant. They’re just too polite to get up and walk out. But, I don’t what we expect, after all, who do we have to compare him with? Hmmmm? Richard Nixon? Nixon’s still dead, right? Kim Jong Uno responds to criticism and threats in the speech by declaring The Trump “mentally deranged”…well, hmmm, that’s not too far off the mark, I suppose. Kim ended his comment by calling The Trump a dotard. A dotard? I didn’t know what that was. I can honestly say that I’d never heard that word before. I had to go look it up. It’s an elderly person slipping into dementia. Wow…now there’s a carefully selected insult if I’ve heard one. Well played, Kim, well played…you freak! Okay, enough of the outside world. Back down into The Compound Bunker for me. I’ll reemerge at 1600 this afternoon to download the latest on Nibiru, special legislative sessions, and looney toon dictators. Or maybe not. There’s a certain amount of peace and quiet down below. That is all! Comments are closed.
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