Mr. Robin finds positivity in life...and crushes it like an aged cockroach. It's Tuesday, time to reveal the third sign of the coming apocalypse.

A very pleasant Tuesday to you all. No seriously, I have nothing but positive affirmations and love and respect for all of you. From now on, CCB will only spew forth positivity and encouragement to all ya’ll.

We shall henceforth seek to encourage our fellow travelers on this plane of indifference and angst to find their way to a different concourse and a different flight of positivity (see what I did there?).

In other words, Mr. Robin took some heat over yesterday’s post and is hoping to beat back the flames. First, there was the person who left me a comment thanking me for my praise of the late great Rev. --- (we won’t mention the name again so as to keep it out of people’s Facebook news feeds), but then pointing out that I have a very negative outlook on life and that I need to exchange that for a more positive outlook. Uh huh.

And then, there were the emails. Most of which I dare not repeat in this blog space. Surprisingly, the majority of emails were directed at my comments regarding Dale Carnegie. Apparently, there are rabid disciples of Dale Carnegie still out there. Who knew?

I am happy to report that I’ve finally gotten Cousin Fred back in the game. He’s feeling much better physically and seems to be finding his center emotionally with the Francesca.

We’ve decided to do a pre-shoot scouting trip this week. There was discussion last night whether we would continue to Montezuma, Colorado (America’s Meanest Town) where we shot our original episodes of “Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed”, or go toward a more local location – namely Talihina, Oklahoma where they have a Bigfoot festival and offer Bigfoot scholarships to local students looking to get the hell out of southeast Oklahoma.

Cousin Fred was the one pushing me on making it Talihina. I think, more than anything, he was concerned about the Francesca violating the terms of her bond by leaving Oklahoma.

I asked him who invited the Francesca along and pointed out that we actually encountered (or at least think we encountered) a Bigfoot when we were last in Montezuma.

He pointed out that the Francesca is our production’s Creative Director and that we’ll need her creativity and direction wherever we wind up. He also pointed out that as a veterinary tech, she is suited for and equipped to deploy an elephant tranquilizer to bring down a rampaging Bigfoot.

I had to admit, Cousin Fred had me there. We compromised. The Francesca is coming along on the road trip, but we’re headed to Montezuma. At least she won’t be nearly the distraction that Lassie the Barking Goat was. Stupid goat.

You see, there I go again, slipping backward into my old negative outlook ways. So, let’s find a way to lift me above the morass of endless chaos and vacuous ineptitude of you mere mortals.

I know…it’s Tuesday! Time to reveal the third sign of the coming apocalypse. Oh, it’s coming.

Friends, there was something in the news that I read on a daily basis that was just so deplorable, so despicable, so horrendous that it must be taken as a sign.

And, no, I’m not talking about the recent Paris robbery (not going to mention any names), though I suspect (just one blogger’s opinion) that it was an inside job. Hey, maybe the Saudi princess’ thuggish bodyguards were responsible. They were after all just around the corner.

But, I digress…

Friends, if you are currently, or have been over the past thirty years or so, a parent or grandparent then you have likely been inside the dark, evil hellhole that is Chuck E. Cheese’s.

You know what I’m talking about…marginal pizza…screaming kids running wild…paper tickets from skittle ball winnings…angry adults who have had one too many Buds…not enough marginal pizza…and too many screaming kids.

If you’ve not been to a Chuck E. Cheese’s you haven’t yet experienced hell on Earth. Seriously. Kids love the place. Any adults with a reasonable amount of intelligence loath the place.

It got to a point that when I was driving my daughter around Northern Virginia when she was young and we passed a Chuck E. Cheese’s…I would think of something to get to her to look the opposite way so I didn’t have to listen to the chorus of “can’t we stop?” and “you never stop.” I will tell you, with much shame, of the time I told her that Chuck E. Cheese croaked and that they were closing all of his stores.

I’m telling you, Chuck E. Cheese’s, is the third sign of the coming apocalypse.

This past weekend, down in the sweaty state of Florida, a fight…no, let’s call it a brawl, broke out among adults. It began with two women swinging at one another. In the background two men started punching one another. Soon the whole damned place resembled a middle class cage match.

Thank heavens, someone caught it all on their iPhone. All of this in the midst of a child’s birthday party. Did some parent fail to bring a proper present to lay at the altar of greed and marginal pizza? Did the Chuck E. Cheese’s run out of Bud?

No one seems to know what started the melee.

The restaurant chain has come under scrutiny recently for fights among adults breaking out. Some cities are threatening to shut the place down, causing CEC execs to fly to the location and assure everyone that changes are coming. Some suggested changes include better lighting and relocating certain games. Huh?

Maybe they should stop selling beer. Nah…no one come if they did that. They’d all be like me…”No, honey. Didn’t you hear? Chuck E. Cheese died in a giant pizza oven mishap. Mr. Cheese…he dead!”

Chuck E. Cheese’s…a modern day cesspool of rampant violence and insanity and CCB’s third sign of the coming apocalypse.

How’s that for a positive f#@$ing outlook!?
 

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