Mezcal helps with decision making...who knew?

It’s Thursday, people…time to begin stocking up for whatever is coming your way this weekend. May I suggest alcohol, in large quantities? Yep, that’s my advice, drink heavily. It cushions the fall.

I’m back at The Compound. Life continues around here. Cousin Fred is a mess. Upon return from NYC, I found him in a disheveled state. He is refusing to do the physical therapy. That combined with the pain from removing the cast too soon is really getting to him. He’s been self-medicating with Mezcal which, I soon discovered, is making for some “great” decision making.

First, I found he had chopped Gigi’s Lexus – the top has been completely removed. He also somehow jacked the thing up and put oversized tires on it. The hood is gone too…as of yesterday he was starting engine modifications.

I asked if he could please focus on getting us ready to go to Colorado for shooting the new episodes of “Bigfoot: Naked and Untamed” for the Vice Channel, but he just looked at me like I was insane. He informed me that he is getting us ready. He is creating a vehicle we can use there.

I thought about pointing out that the average day-time temp where we’re headed at that time of year will likely be in the 30’s, but what’s the point? Hmmm…Lexus to swamp buggy. This will turn out well. You’ll see.

But then, the biggest surprise came. The door to Hellkat One’s trailer opened and out stepped the Francesca! I was happy to see she wasn’t in county jail orange or wearing the remains of shackles.

I looked at Cousin Fred, who informed me that the veterinarian in New York State had dropped the charges and consequently, the extradition. Seems he was just happy to get his Mobile Mutt Rescue Unit back in one piece.

Cousin Fred gave me that look I’ve known since we were kids. The look that says don’t say another word about it. He must have read my mind because I was thinking of several things I could say – pointing out that he disappeared for a time while driving the Lexus around the country trying to catch up to the Trump’s entourage to woo Gigi back…his turning his back on the Francesca while she was in jail…the threatening calls I received from the Francesca while she was locked up.

And, now, here she is…all smiles and I’m-so-happy-to-be-free looks.

He did point out to me that there were local charges brought against her for the contraband phone (the one she was using to call me) the jailers found. But, Cousin Fred informed me that he was able to bond her out.

Bond her out? I’m wondering what he used to bond her out? He doesn’t have any money or property to put up as collateral for the bond. Ask a question, get an answer…unfortunately. He informed me he used Hellkat One’s trailer and the Lexus.

Oh great...he used property for which he holds no clear title to post her bond. Oh, and one piece of that property for which he holds no clear title has now been chopped to a point that it is probably worthless. This gets better all the time.

But wait, there’s more.

Then he informed me that she wants to be part of the show. I casually asked if she wants to be part of the cast of talent. That got me a glare and Cousin Fred responded that she wants a show credit as Creative Director.

I pointed out that it will likely violate the terms of her bond if she leaves the state. He told me not to worry. According to him the court docket in this county is so backed up it will be late spring before anything happens and her defense lawyer is certain he can stall things until the case just disappears completely. Besides, he said, unless she does something stupid in Colorado, no one will have a clue that she’s out of state.

This has disaster written all over it. It occurred to me then that given the current state of television entertainment in this country, our new employers, the Vice Channel, would probably welcome the drama that goes along with having a technical fugitive on the payroll.

I'm feeling much better now.

 

---