Ed. Note: For whatever reason, Facebook seems to have lost yesterday’s (05/03) version of CCB. We did post yesterday, so you can find it at cosmic-city-blog.com. Welcome to the Wild Wednesday edition of Cosmic City Blog coming to you from the Hoosier Suite at the Hyatt in downtown Indianapolis. It’s been a wild ride folks – the Cruzmeister General dropped out of the race late last night. Trump is the presumptive nominee for the Republican Party. Who knew this was going to happen? I have no idea where The Trump is this morning. It appears MAD Magazine, now that things are settling down, is suspending Cousin Fred and I being embedded with The Trump’s entourage. I’ll bet the $44,000 we ran up in room service for the non-stop parties here had a lot to do with that. That’s okay, it gives Cousin Fred and me a breather back at The Compound. Hey, this means we’ll make it back in time for the Twister Alley Film Festival hamburger feed Thursday evening. The run up to last night’s victory here in Indiana by The Trump was filled bizarre news and accusations. First there was The Trump’s people tweeting out that Cruz’s father had been an associate of Lee Harvey Oswald…by the time that spun around in the Twitter universe for a while, it became Cruz’s father had a hand in assassinating JFK. But wait, there’s more...all of that forced Cruz to come out of his luxury suite (floor below us) and announce that his father not only assassinated JFK, but was also Elvis and – I don’t know, something else (he was being facetious). He publicly called The Trump a pathological liar and a serial philanderer. After it became apparent that The Trump had won last night’s Indiana primary, Cruz announced he was done. The party here in our MAD Magazine suite went wild at that point. Of course, Kasich is now recasting himself as the only guy who can stop The Trump. Uh huh. It’s all over Altar Boy…go back to Ohio and ponder your life. Perhaps Cruz had heard about our contest in the suite around 6PM where we recruited two sumo wrestlers here from the local area (popular sport here in Indianapolis). We dressed one in a Trump mask, the other in a Cruz mask and had a sumo wrestling match here in the suite to determine who would win the nomination. Trump-san won. Guess we’ll have to do something similar in some other city as the General Election nears, but this time with a Trump-san and Hillary-san. Oh, that was the other news yesterday. Queen of the Unindicted Hillary, aka Clinton II, has turned her full attention to defeating The Trump now. Sir Bernie is being ignored. By the way, Oklahoma…need I remind ye that in the Oklahoma Primary, Ted Cruz and Bernie Sanders were the winners? Boy, can we pick ‘em or what? Things here in the Indianapolis suite peaked at 2AM with Cousin Fred moving through the room swatting the butts of all the females left standing and shouting, “Hoosier Daddy?” It was kind of funny the first 100 times he did it. I have NO idea where Cousin Fred is now. I want to get out of this hotel and to the airport before the management has a real opportunity to view the damage. Two sumo wrestlers can cause a lot of damage when their “ring” is filled with furniture. But then again, MAD is paying the bills so what do I care? After I post this, I’ll start working on my story for the magazine. They want 4,000 inciteful (sic) words about the American political landscape. I know, right? Eh well, I was able to gather a lot of quotes and intelligence that I can use, formed around some well-worn clichés. 4,000 words will go by quickly. So there it is, America. The die is cast. The fat’s in the fire. We get what we deserve. It is what it is. We have our General Election set. In the meantime, I’m headed back to The Compound to hide for a few days and nurse this hangover. Mister Robin is out <mic drop> Comments are closed.
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