 Happy Wednesday everybody! We’re off and running now, aren’t we? Well, aren’t we? Actually, if you read the news feeds from overnight, it appears that the Weird Ship Trump may have sprung a leak (away the damage control party – Navy talk). Apparently, The Trump sent out a tweet last night that read as follows: “Despite the negative press covfefe…” Now everyone in the Land of Twitter is trying to figure out what, if anything, The Trump was trying to tell us. Maybe he fell asleep mid-Tweet? We could only hope. Wise-guy responders took to their accounts with stuff like: “Make America covfefe again!” After careful analysis on the part of Cousin Fred, I think we’ve come up with an answer. Yesterday, Spicy was holding yet another daily press conference at the White House (I thought they were going to stop doing that?!) when he became so overwhelmed by the media’s constant barrage of questions regarding The Trump’s accusations of fake news based on anonymous sources, that he (Spicy) walked out of the conference, pissing off the reporters (they’re young, they have their health, they’ll get over it). Mr. Spicy, he walked out! So maybe, just maybe, The Trump was trying to say (and, I hate putting words in his mouth, but in the interest of insightful analysis – okay Cousin Fred came up with his insight only after half a bottle of Mezcal): “Despite the negative press conference…” Yes, Mr. President? What about it? <zzzzzzzzz> Before he departed the arena, Spicy went on and on regarding The Trump’s successful visit to several places in Europe and the Middle East last week. Spicy (with a straight face mind you) informed the gathered media that before it was over, The Trump and Angela Merkel were swapping spit. Okay, that’s not true, he didn’t actually use those words, BUT keep in mind this is the same trip where we saw the American president shove that other world leader (dude from Montenegro) aside so he could be first in line for whatever the lunch buffet was featuring that day. Weird, I’m telling you! All of this coming on the heels of Tuesday’s firing of the WH Communications Director…a dude named Dubke. Mr. Dubke, he gone! Well, the press reports initially said that Dubke resigned…uh huh. The Trump is trying so hard to control and spin everything from the bridge of the Weird Ship Trump and the vessel is beginning to list to starboard (more Navy talk). Oh, and one last thing, I see this morning that Scott Pelley of CBS is done. Get this, he was on assignment for 60 Minutes somewhere in the world and the HR thugs at CBS cleared his desk, but no one bothered to tell him he is fired. BUT, (and this, boys and girls, is why the free press is the bane of a democratic society) some of his colleagues leaked the news to the rest of the world BEFORE Pelley was told. Mr. Pelley, he fired, but he don’t know it yet! Can’t help but wonder if the WH was leaning heavily on CBS execs to get rid of Pelley. Those CBS Evening News broadcasts had become so anti-Trump it was kind of embarrassing to watch. Okay, enough of the nonsense, on to more important matters…WHY THE HELL aren’t you people buying your festival passes to A Clustering of Gigolos this summer? Ticketmister tells Cousin Fred that no one has bought any tickets yet. Cousin Fred is working some sort of deal wherein people who buy passes for The Gathering of Juggalos festival also get admittance to A Clustering of Gigolos, though no one else (Ticketmister nor Insane Clown Posse) knows anything about it…yet. In the meantime, Cousin Fred and I have been working on our act for the festival, henceforth known as Deranged Mummers Parade (DMP to you hipster kids). With electric ukulele (me) and electric banjo (CF) in hand, we’re working on a thrash metal glam punk version of Tiptoe Through the Tulips where at the end of our set, I smash an effigy of Tiny Tim over the head with my uke before setting it afire. Only problem is that I only have one uke, so we won’t actually rehearse the on-stage arson until we actually do it. We’ll be legend. Or, the fire marshal will shut us down. That is all. Comments are closed.
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