Legal gray area vehicles, Cousin Fred with the lovesick blues, and DISH bashing...it must be Tuesday.

Happy Tuesday morning everybody! Things have been a little frenetic around The Compound lately. Cousin Fred and I returned from our (mis)adventures at the Watermelon Festival(s) in Rush Springs (and environs) over the weekend feeling rather worn out, but nevertheless facing a full agenda of things to do this week.

I no sooner land back here than The Wife informs me that she’s off on another of her fabulous vacations tomorrow. She says the weather here in NWOK is too nice and she’s off to the East Coast to enjoy some really miserable summer heat.

In the meantime, Cousin Fred, on the way back from the Watermelon Festival(s), was telling me that he figures his burgeoning, on-again, off-again, sort-of relationship with Gigi, the hairdressing hydrologist is doomed like so much rational discourse in America these days.

She has been tied to The Trump’s hip as things have begun heating up for the official Republican nominee. As things ebb and flow with his war on the media, he apparently needs constant attention paid to his…whatever that dead animal atop his head may be. Consequently, Gigi is no longer accepting calls from Cousin Fred.

I could tell that he was down which is why I suggested the Watermelon Festival in Rush Springs. He jumped at the idea…that should have told me something. I had no idea there were alternative festivals. I’m not kidding. Who knew?

I was almost afraid to ask, but I did anyway. What about the Lexus that she has left parked at The Compound for the past couple of months? Cousin Fred informed me that he plans to keep it and use it.

Great…that makes two legal-gray-area vehicles parked at The Compound. There’s Hellkat One’s trailer. Her Majesty Mary of Fallin refuses to return my calls as to what she would like me do with it. The tags have expired, but I figure that unless someone (namely, The Law) comes up in the yard and/or we don’t move it down the road, we’re probably okay.

Now, with Gigi’s Lexus being driven around Cosmic City by Cousin Fred, there’s an entirely new problem. The car is registered with tags in New York. Cousin Fred has an Arkansas driver’s license. And, he’ll be driving it around Cosmic City like he’s the High Lord Mayor or something.

It’s only a matter of time before The Law invades The Compound and drags me off in chains because I’m harboring a known idiot (to wit: Cousin Fred).  

But, I digress…

So Cousin Fred was telling me about a story he saw KFOR-TV, which is amazing since we at The Compound are currently cut off from KFOR because the rat bastards at DISH won’t play nice…or…the greedy SOB’s at KFOR want a king’s ransom for their programming – depending on which side of the dispute you wish to believe. Either way, I DON’T GET KFOR, WHICH MEANS NO WEATHER HOTTIE EMILY SUTTON IN THE MORNING! Will you money-driven atavistic overcooked suckling pigs kindly come to an agreement so I can go back to enjoying my morning weather reports? Thank you!

But, I digress yet again…

The point of this tale (I know, you were hoping I’d get there eventually) is that he saw some story (somehow) on KFOR (lucky dude) about a poor woman in OKC who paid “thousands of dollars” (which is why she’s now poor) to some matchmaking service hoping to find true love. It didn’t happen so of course she’s suing the service now, but they seem to have disappeared down a rabbit hole. The name of the service is Ambiance Matchmaking (lonely hearts take note).

I was about to inquire as to Cousin Fred’s interest in the story, thinking he was about to hit me up for a loan to pay for the service for him. I was working on an excuse to turn him down when he told me that has decided to start a dating service of his own. He said he plans to call it Lovesick Leftovers.

I pointed out that he’s proceeding from two negatives with a name like that. He said the Lovesick part is his target audience and, as for Leftovers, well…as he put it, everybody loves leftovers, they get better with every reheating.

I started to tell him that there is a huge difference between human emotions and week-old sausage stuffing, but decided to let it go.

I didn’t hear a peep from him yesterday, but bandwidth here at The Compound dropped off to near zero at various times during the day. I have NO idea what he was working on out there.

More to follow, I’m sure.

---