Jumpin' Jehoshaphat! It's conspiracy Friday here at CCB. Strap in devoted followers (all four of you), it's about to get weird(er)...

Great jumpin’ Jehoshaphat! Stop the presses (always wanted to use that line)! Great coogley moogley! O’ the humanities! Is there no end to this nightmare? Grab your magnifying glasses, it’s about to get weird(er)!

Oh, yeah…happy Friday everybody. Blah, blah, blah…enough with the niceties – on the with the show, this is ittttttt!

Okay, okay…calm, calm, calm. Deep breaths. Out with the love, in with the snark. Okay, we’re ready.
I open my newsfeed this morning. I’m all bleary eyed, sucking down coffee, thinking about how far behind I am on various projects. Hating life in general. When…whoa…what’s this I see?

There’s an article about some troll farm in Russia that is suing the Mueller investigation over claims that it (the Mueller Gang) are illegally holding stuff that belongs to said troll farm and won’t allow the company to look through it.  

Huh. So, let that sink in first. An allegedly illegal troll farm is suing a U.S.-sponsored entity for holding onto stuff delivered to the Mueller Gang in an as-yet undescribed manner? Can they do that? Sure, why not? Actually, nowhere in the story does it say the troll farm actually handed over the materials.

So how did the Mueller Gang get it? A disgruntled troll farmer (we’ll call him Farmer Boris) perhaps?
But then I read on. It turns out that at the heart of the suit is a - and, I’m quoting here, “nude selfie” the Russians want back, or at least inspect. The Mueller Gang refuse to return it saying that it’s evidence.

No word on who exactly is nude in said selfie. Oh, please, please, please, let it be Fearless Leader! Oh, oh, oh…maybe it’s Fearless Leader and Vlad the Poot being all naked together and watching Russian porn!

Okay, I’m getting way out in front of this thing.

The story on the newsfeed actually raises more questions than it can possibly answer and being that we are nowhere near being a legitimate news source, we can speculate until the cows come home (read as spin conspiracy theories).

First, here’s what we know. The company, based in St. Petersburg, Russia, is called Concord Management and Consulting. They are an alleged company of social media trolls who use a phalanx of hackers and social media junkies to spread information and/or disinformation. According to the Mueller Gang, the group has allegedly been up to its collective ears in using fake social media posts to sow discord in the U.S.

Of course, Concord Management and Consulting (hereafter CMC) is denying that. Or, are they?

Conspiracy Theory #1: While there’s no mention of how exactly the Mueller Gang came into the materials, presumably at some point in the past someone at CMC handed it over. Perhaps in an effort to demonstrate Russian transparency (cough) they handed over too much, that is, stuff they didn’t intend to hand over. And, let’s say someone high up in the Russian government got wind that there was a compromising nude selfie because someone among the Mueller Gang leaked that tidbit to someone in the U.S. government who wants CMC to get it back. So, CMC was directed by someone in the Russian government to file suit…a rather stupid and futile move frankly…in a last-ditch effort to quash the selfie as evidence in the Mueller Gang’s report.

Conspiracy Theory #2: But the foregoing presumes someone in the Russian government actually gives a crap…that’s not likely. Maybe, just maybe, the Russians are pissed off at someone high up in the U.S. government and are trying to force the Mueller Gang’s hand to reveal information about the selfie to the public prior to the report’s release.

Conspiracy Theory #3: So, let’s be realistic here. A digital file, any digital file (if it actually exists), once it’s out of your hands is open game. So even if there is a legitimate concern on the part of that band of cyber pirates in Russia to get their stuff back, who says they’ll actually get it back? It’s not like there are any one-off photographic negatives involved here. That kind of, sort of points back to the stupid Russians shining a 10-gazillion watt light on the selfie in an attempt to force the Mueller Gang to reveal its existence.

Conspiracy Theory #4: The selfie doesn’t actually exist. This the Mueller Gang fishing to see who pops up and raises the most fuss about an alleged nude selfie. Hahahaha…stupid Russians.

My goodness, I love a great conspiracy. Stay tuned sports fans, this could turn into something HUGE…huge I’m telling you! Or, it may just be another dead end to nowhere.

That is all!
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