Howdy, howdy…happy Thursday. Just came in from dragging the trash bin down to the road which can be a task at zero-dark-thirty. For those of you who have never visited the Compound. The trip to the road from the house is just a hair over 100 yards.
As I walk along, dragging a wheeled trash bin behind me, I’m convinced there is all manner of critters watching from the pasture, hoping I’ll trip over my feet and fall to the ground so they can pounce. <Note to self, start packing heat for the trip to the road> Gorgeous morning out there. Not a breath of wind…cold, but without the wind it didn’t seem to matter much. It occurred to me that this will be the next-to-last trash day before Christmas. Have to remember to tape an envelope to the bin with a little cash for the guys on the truck next week. According to the OKC manners queen, Carey Sue Vega, whom I featured in a post yesterday, you should give trash people like $20 each (more on her in a second). Eh, I’ll probably do it. They’ve done me some favors since we moved in here, hauling off more than they were required to and even coming back a bit later to pick up my trash when I was too lazy to roll it out when I was supposed to. Now, the friggin’ mail delivery guy, he’s another story. He has a really bad habit of cutting across my lawn to get to the mailbox rather than pulling in the end of the driveway. He may get a box nails for Christmas. Eh, but then he’d just leave the shredded remains of his tires strewn across the lawn. I’ll have to come up with something cleverer. Oh sure, I could complain to the post master colonel in Fargo and she would probably tell him to knock it off, but…this is war. Anyway…back to Vega…aka, CSV. After doing that post yesterday, I perused her web site. I mean, here is a person, a blogger, who is actually making $$$ from doing her thing, which is essentially telling people what loathsome, vacuous heathens they are. I do that here on a daily basis, but no one is paying me anything. I will say that I liked the design and layout of her web site. It’s very clean and uncluttered. Easy to navigate. So you can expect to see new web sites for me after the first of the year. Also, need to bump up my presence on social media (as certain people have been telling me to do for some time now). Day before yesterday, I received an email from a publicist for some new author, who has just published a book (it’s what new authors do). I will say that the author got his money’s worth out of the publicist. She wrote a really great press announcement about the book that was embedded in her email. Had a short bio about the guy. Very similar background to me…kind of. A mix of military and business. Like the fish I am, I clicked on the link to the author’s web site. Very nicely done web site. Great layout, very clean…he probably has tea with CSV in the afternoon. But, then… I clicked on the “About the Author” – I’m so happy I did. There was a photo of the author. Now, I will grant you, he did pretty well considering it was a selfie of sorts. The background was dark, probably a royal (read as purple) velvet. The dude is seated in a tall wingback chair that is kind of a deep red. Above his head shining on the velvety background is a bright light which makes it look like a friggin’ halo or something over him. Author Author is dressed in a reddish purplish smoking jacket (no, I’m not kidding). He has a wine glass in one hand and a burning cigar in the other. But, the pièce de résistance was that Author Author was kind of slumped in his chair. It left me with the impression that he was using his laptop camera to take the pic and his screen was the monitor. I guess he was trying to get his big head below the back of the chair. Looked that way anyway. The dude looked like a wholly unsophisticated version of the Dos Equis beer commercial spokesman. It was truly laughable. I’d give you the URL, but Author Author would probably sue me, so we’ll leave that out. So then, I go to his page where he lays out the premise for his book. I soooo wish I could tell you that, it was unique I’ll give him that, but again I don’t want to be sued. I say it was unique, and it was…it was also insane. So THEN I go the amazon.com page where they’re selling his book. I wanted to read a sample. It was amateurish to say the least. Although I’m not going to embed the actual content here (still hoping to avoid a lawsuit), I’ll give you a sample in Author Author’s style…think of this as Eric Clapton (me) playing in the style of Jimi Hendrix (Author Author)…except Hendrix was a genius…Author Author not so much. “She had just returned home from the dinner party. It was her fourth that week. Another fund raiser. Honestly, she was just tired of the whole thing, but it was for a good cause. She wished her husband had been at the party, but he was working. He was always working. He worked so hard. She removed her dress and stood in front of the full-length mirror admiring her maturing beauty before reaching for the negligee that her maid had laid out for her…” Barf. I’m sure everyone can relate to “she” - can’t you? And where the hell is the husband? So the point in all of this is that I obviously need to step up my own shameless self-promotion. By the way, I think in the New Year, you’ll have yet another option for “reading” these blog posts. I was toying with the idea of starting a YouTube channel push them out, but my Woefully Underpaid Marketing Diva friend and adviser Sandra Benton suggested that I should consider a podcast. Hmmmm. I like that. Plus, if I do a podcast, I won’t have to wax my eyebrows or anything. Anyway, that and so much more coming in 2016. It’s gonna be great. Comments are closed.
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