It's Cheaper in Kansas, I'll Bet...

Yep, gather ‘round kids…it’s another two-fer day here at CCB!

I’m going to stop discussing how great it is that spring has once again arrived in Oklahoma.  One day, I’m bragging in the blog about floating across the largish puddle left after rains. Then, yesterday I’m keeping watch around here for grass fires which seem to be springing (must stop using that word!) up everywhere.  As Will Rogers said, “If you don’t like the weather in Oklahoma, wait a minute and it’ll change.”

More predictable than weather in Oklahoma though is our beloved (gag) Oklahoma Gas and Electric Co. (whose motto translated from the Latin is “screw you, we’re OG&E).  They’re back in the news heaping still more misery on their customers. 

This time, according to an article published on newsok.com, they’re asking for double secret permission from the Oklahoma Corporation Commission (whose motto translated from the Latin is, “we’re in charge around here”) to pass along to their customers a $4.3 million legal settlement over a disputed wind power project here in Woodward County in which OG&E didn’t play nice (imagine that, OG&E not playing nice).  According to the newsok.com article, this would result in a 15% increase in residential customers’ bills, assuming the OCC grants permission…which they will because their oversight comes from the idiots in the Oklahoma State Legislature who are weird bed fellows with OG&E.  See how this works?

So they’re going to pass along to their paying customers a $4.3 million settlement?  This from a company that is dropping $100 million on a new steel and glass headquarters in Oklahoma City.  Gee, wonder who’s paying for that?

You know, the next time Trooper Fife hands me a speeding ticket (it was an emergency, I’m tellin’ you!) or the rat bastards at IRS bang me with penalties and interest because of an underpayment of estimated taxes (it was an honest mistake, I’m tellin’ you!) I’m passing it along to the OCC.  Maybe they can help me figure out who will bail me out.

And, while I’m on a rant about general buffoonery perpetrated by the buffoons on N. Lincoln Blvd., we, here at CCB, just came across an item on the KFOR.com web site that indicates that State Representative Scott Martin (Republican - District 46) is sponsoring a bill that would require people to pay a fee for the privilege of dying in Oklahoma.

What?  Huh?

So the idea here is to tax the dead…no wait, it’s a fee.  According to the CCB disbarred and disgraced attorney, you can’t technically call a fee a tax (CCB needs to get better counsel, me thinks).  Okay, so let me start again…the idea here is to extort a fee from the dead if their survivors expect to get a death certificate. 

What’s next?  Will the State Legislature begin extorting fees from infants if they want a birth certificate?  OH WAIT…THEY ALREADY DO! I swear I can’t make this crap up.

The rate of extortion for proof that you were born here is $15.  Extorting $$ from the dead is only $3.  What, you say?  That’s not so bad.  Uh huh.  Look at it this way.  Generally, the funeral home taking care of arrangements “helps” survivors with the paperwork (in this case, obtaining the death certificate).  It’s all part of the overall service they provide and charge lots of dough for. 

The article hinted that it is unlikely that a funeral home will simply absorb that cost.  They’re more likely to pass it on to the paying survivors.  BUT, and it’s a big ol’ but, that means that the funeral home will tack their “load” (a percentage of their annual costs for doing business) onto the extorted fee.  So, the $3 fee becomes something larger.

So, let’s see what we’ve learned today:

·         OG&E will someday bankrupt us all before cutting off our power

·         The Oklahoma State Legislature wants dead people to pay up (dead people can’t vote – nyuk, nyuk)

·         Consider dying in Kansas (it’s probably cheaper)

·         Bring along an extension cord when you go there to die (power is probably cheaper in Kansas too)