In Japan, Taking a Crap Can Get You Knifed!

We at CCB are beginning to notice a rather frightening trend wherein the females of our species appear to be doing their best to eliminate the males of our species.  It’s as though they’re adapting from the practices of praying mantises (mantisi?), wherein the female mantis bites off the head of the male mantis once the lovin’ (read as breeding) is over.  I offer as evidence the CCB post of March 31st, in which a woman in Ohio attempted to stab her partner in the groin for eating all the salsa in the house. 

The CCB Institute for the Study of Female Histrionics (CCBIFTSOFH) has undertaken a study of this disturbing behavior and will publish a comprehensive publication of its findings.  We at CCB are committed to getting to the bottom (pun intended) of this and will provide you, our dedicated followers (all none of you), with updates as they become available.

CCBIFTSOFH has deployed a team of scientists to Japan to follow up on a story we found on the Huffington Post web site this morning. 

We at CCB warn readers that what follows is not pretty.  In fact, you could say it’s a real shitty situation (nyuk, nyuk).

It seems that on the afternoon of April 12th, in Otaku, Japan, a husband allegedly went to the bathroom and left behind an allegedly intolerable bad odor.  And now, the man’s alleged wife is allegedly facing attempted murder charges.  What, you say?  Shouldn’t Stinky Pete (the alleged culprit) be facing attempted murder charges (What? You never heard of silent, but deadly?)? 

It seems that the aftermath of Stinky Pete’s poo party (SPPP) was so horrendous as to put his household in a state of near mayhem to the point that the couple’s three year old son, who needed to use the facilities, was put off completely.

Stinky Pete probably upset and embarrassed that so much was being made of his signature eau de toilet (sic) that he grabbed his son and physically put him on the toilet WITHOUT WASHING HIS HANDS…now, there’s a crime against humanity!

And while I’m on the subject of pigs who don’t wash after making doody, let me address the hordes of you who sit on the toilet and text while performing a bowel movement (scientific term).  THAT is without a doubt as disgusting if not more so than not thoroughly washing your hands afterwards!  I only wish I could send a text to the person that they’re texting and say something like, “Oh, you know…Kevin was sending you that text about how he can’t wait to get his hands all over you…that was just before he wiped his ass!  P.S., he just left the men’s room without washing his hands.”  I suspect the texting windfalls for service providers in this country would abruptly end.

But I digress…

So apparently Stinky Pete grabbing the kid and trying to restore some semblance of order to his household was too much for Mrs. Pete who grabbed a knife and attacked her odor-proliferating noxious gas ridden husband.  This left said stinker with a 7-inch gash to the left side of his face.

Mrs. Pete denies actually trying to kill her husband.  Hmmmm…guess she just wants him to wash his hands and maybe use the toilet at the gas station down the street from now on. 

So there it is, Case #2 for our intrepid CCBIFTSOFH team to investigate, analyze, and give the ol’ sniff test.