Hollywood or bust...Robin offers sage advice, pay attention!

Cousin Fred, sufficiently recovered now from our State of the State drinking game from Monday night, came in last night practically bursting with the news that he had finally heard from Chick Farris in Hollywood. It appears that Chick and his production company, Mountebank Studios, are going to greenlight our idea for a reality show based on naked Bigfoot hunters searching for the beast.

We’re in!

Chick wants us in California by Monday afternoon so we can get all the administrative things done and meet our production team. When I asked him how he wants to go to Cali, Cousin Fred said we should drive, that way we can map out our first production season on the way so we sound like we know what we’re talking about when we get there.

Read that as, we need time to get our stories straight so we don’t fall flat on our face.

Cousin Fred suggested using his older model topless Ford Bronco to tow Hellkat One’s trailer, but I reminded him that it doesn’t have current tags. Her Royal Highness Mary of Fallin has the title…can’t get the tags without the title (so the lady at the tag office told us).

Mr. Kim’s RV would have been great, but faithful readers may recall that the RV burned up (along with Mr. Kim) in a weird plum wine moonshine mishap several months ago.

Finally, Cousin Fred had an idea. He called Friend Lamont in Western Arkansas who said he could lay his hands on an RV that we can take to Hollywood and back. Friend Lamont offered to do the driving so that Cousin Fred and I can sit in the back and think great thoughts.

Taking an RV also means that we can take Lassie the barking goat with us. I certainly wouldn’t want to leave him here with The Wife, who is looking for an excuse to be rid of the goat here at The Compound.

Friend Lamont should arrive at The Compound late today and we’ll head down the highway early tomorrow morning. Ah, another road trip…it just doesn’t get any better.

And speaking of road trips…or, not…friends, let me give you a sage piece of advice if I may. A piece of advice that will save you a LOT of embarrassment, possibly subsequent arrests, and the scorn of decent folks everywhere (not sure there are any of those left).
You will please note the mugshot at the top of the page (this G-D blog host hasn’t developed their tools to the point that I can insert a photo where in the body of the posting I want, so they will always be at the top). (sigh)

But I digress…

I first encountered this mugshot back in early December when an intrepid and alert reader forwarded to me a story from a web site that contained said mugshot. The story went that the male of the pair (he’s on the left) was up early on Thanksgiving morning prepping the holiday fowl for roasting when the female of the two (she’s on the right) came downstairs to find the dude (on the left) ummmmmm having sex (sort of) with the turkey. Such a fowl…er…foul deed! She (on the right) became so enraged that she grabbed a boning (er, de-boning) knife and began penetrating El Creepo’s (on the left) skin with her (again, right) rigid blade.

Both (pictured above) were arrested…he (left) was charged with defiling a corpse and general perversion. She (right) was charged with assault and malicious wounding with a dangerous weapon (rigid boning knife). No mention of whether the fouled fowl was eventually roasted and eaten.

I was in blogger heaven. I thought the blog posting of a lifetime had dropped into my lap. I would be able to get all cynical about holidays and holiday feasts. I had visions of winning the Prize Pulitzer for Most Incredible Blog Posting Ever. My faith in the degenerate nature of humanity was reaffirmed!

And then…

I discovered the web site from which I was getting my information was a fake news blog.

Well, crap.

Still, I sucked it up and moved on. I guess I’m the only blog on the internet that doesn’t make crap up. I guess I’m the only blogger in the known universe who publishes true stuff. Damn me!

But then, yesterday, as I was perusing Facebook looking for more unbelievably stupid human antics to post, I saw the mugshot (above). This time our loser hillbilly meth-entrepreneurial couple supposedly were caught eating a homeless guy in Central Park in New York City.

They get around, don’t they?

So, my sage advice, faithful readers is that when the po-po kicks in your door at 3AM and drag you out of bed and take you to the county lock-up before releasing you when they realize they had the wrong address on the warrant…be sure to take time (between taser blasts, of course) to comb your hair and make yourself presentable. Otherwise your crappy mugshot (see above) may circulate forever and have you doing things that were much worse than whatever the people that warrant was intended for were actually doing.

You’ll thank me later.

Have a nice day.
 

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