![]() Happy Monday everybody! The past few days have been a wild time here around The Compound. With successive storms that seemed to increase in ferocity with each. Last night we had (unofficially) 80 mph straight-line winds. Waiting for the sun to come up so we can survey for any new damage here. The rain was good. Since early morning Friday we’ve had just under four inches of precip out here on this hill according to the crack Compound weather team (Cousin Fred). The thing was, the weekend Channel 9 weather guesser stand-in got it wrong both Saturday and Sunday nights. He poo-pooed the storms Saturday turning into anything much (trust me, it was) and said he expected the Sunday night storms to collapse (they didn’t) and not become anything (they did). Weather guessing…it’s what he does, it’s how he makes his mark. Idiots. But then, again, I guess we must give him some benefit of the doubt. After all, weather forecasting on the Plains is, by its very nature, unpredictable. But, you know what is predictable? The one constant in an ever-changing universe that you can always count on? Disgraced holy man Jim Bakker (aka, Cry Me a River Jim), that’s what! He’s back! This time he’s hustling a silver-based gel and liquid that, according to Brother Jim, can cure all forms of “venereal disease.” He - Cry Me a River Jim - says it’s a “miracle in a tube.” Now then, we at CCB have been following this nutcase for the past year or so as he launched his survivalist food in a bucket – still trying to force myself to try the freeze-dried opossum stew that Cousin Fred ordered for me. He’s tried to sell all of us survivalist cabins at his survivalist/prepper resort in Missouri. He never revealed the cost of the alleged cabins, but you can bet it was going to be huge! In between mouthfuls of opossum stew and 1,000-year biscuits eaten during his show, which is nothing more than a slick infomercial made to look like an actual broadcast show, he’s told us that God will strike down people like me who make fun of him. Okay, that last paragraph is only partially true. He did threaten those of us who make fun of him saying that God would strike us dead, but he’s never so much as peeked at the crap in the buckets that he sells…for the record. FDA-approved this miracle in a bottle and/or tube, you ask? Not a chance. He doesn’t even list the ingredients on the tubes of gel or bottles of liquid. One physician in an article I read referred to it as a colloidal silver solution that has been touted as a cure-all for everything from parasites to AIDS to chronic fatigue. In layman’s terms, snake oil. And Brother Jim’s magic cure-all isn’t cheap, oh no. Ho ho! It costs money to cure that weird rash on your parts (parts is parts after all)! $25 for a four-ounce tube of gel (known in the industry as the quarter-pounder) and $40 for a sixteen-ounce bottle of liquid (the pounder). There are supposedly 96 doses of liquid per bottle. A case (one dozen) would cost you $175 for gel and $250 for the liquid (it pays to buy in bulk from this hustler). And, now we know why he’s hustling these various products, most of which are a day late (prepper stuff, for instance, is so 2016). I suppose next it’ll be a full line of deodorizing products for the Bigfoot. It seems that Cry Me a River Jim is in deep with those rat bastards at IRS going all the way back to his shenanigans with Tammy Faye and the PTL (Pass The Loot) Club television empire. The man has $5.5 million in IRS tax liens hanging around his neck. Wow…now I feel kind of bad for bad-mouthing him and risking the wrath of God in the process. Nah…not really. But, what the heck, maybe we should all buy a tube of miracle to help a brother out. That is all! Comments are closed.
|
Archives
March 2019
Categories |