Here at the Compound, Epiphanies are Falling Like IRS Agents in a Trump Presidency

Welcome to the compound, where apparently nothing is as it necessarily seems to initially be (now, how’s that for a concrete opening…haha). 

Case in point, Cousin Fred. 

The other day when I said that I found Cousin Fred in the old storage shed at the edge of the compound, I indicated that he was curled in a fetal position and then mistakenly stated that he was reciting an ancient Hindu chant.  Shows how much I know.  According to Cousin Fred, I mistook ancient Aramaic for ancient Hindi.  Cousin Fred further informed me that he began speaking Aramaic following an epiphany while flying back from Des Moines more than a week ago.

His so-called epiphany was centered on his latest calling…to be a televangelist.  He informed me that he had been researching starting his own televangelist organization which he is tentatively calling “Rock of the Perpetual HDTV”…aptly named, I suppose.  He went on to tell me about the filing fees and effort required to obtain a 501c3 tax-exempt designation from the IRS.  He also informed me how easy it is to set-up a church here in Oklahoma.  He then asked me to loan him $10,000 so he can get things rolling.  I pointed out that I’ll bet it’s cheaper to do that sort of thing in Arkansas.  Something tells me this isn’t the last I’ll hear of this.

All of that talk of an epiphany led me to epiphany of my own.  I’m actually beginning to believe the Trump can actually pull this off.  That is to say, I think he may actually be able to win the GOP nomination…becoming president may be another matter entirely.  I tried telling myself that this is just some sort of early campaign fluke and that he’ll fade into the background, but now I’m not so sure.  Not a week goes by that he doesn’t commit some gaffe that would signal the end of a mere mortal pol’s campaign.  To his credit, he not only accepts the gaffe, he steps up and defends it.  The Trump has an ego the size of Texas, which is an important attribute for a president.  Why the hell else would want the job?

Does this mean that I’m a “Trumper” now?  Nooooo…not in the least.  I still think he’s a rich, dangerous idiot, BUT I do think he may actually be able to pull this off.  Even the mainstream GOP elite are starting to back down a bit.   Well, they’ve toned down the anti-Trump rhetoric anyway.  I guess, like me, they’re in a state of shock and are waiting to see what happens. 

The guy doesn’t seem to care who he pisses off.  He even has Fox News turning on him, though they’ll keep reporting his every move because he is probably the one stand-out in the Republican field right now.  And what I mean by that is that the vast majority of conservatives in the country seem more interested in an action hero than they do a smart guy.

On the other side, the Democrats don’t have much of a hand to play right now.  Hillary Clinton is becoming bogged down in a seemingly messy variety of Clintonesque shenanigans.  Bernie Sanders is probably the smartest of the bunch, but he’ll never be able to shed the “socialist” label from his back.  Who’s left?  Well, I guess there’s Martin O’Malley, former governor of Maryland.  Smart guy, reasonably moderate Dem.  Almost zero name recognition outside of the Mid-Atlantic region.  O’Malley could still be the dark horse in all of this. 

The way I see it (and, remember kids, you heard it here first) there are maybe three likely scenarios when it comes to the Trump:

Number 1:  He’s just been stringing everyone along to make a point.  He has no real interest in being president and only wants to push his own agenda forward (whatever the hell that is…he never answers a policy question directly, always seems to fend it off).  In this scenario, he continues to campaign until sometime in the spring when he hands off his endorsement to whatever GOP candidate grovels enough to earn it.  The Trump then goes back to swimming in his lake-o-cash.

Number 2:  At some point in the spring of 2016, he announces that the Republican Party has lost its edge and the Trump jumps ship to run as a third-party candidate.  This would certainly be the most entertaining scenario.  It’s going to piss off most of the Republican faithful, many of whom will regardless follow the Trump over to third-party town.  He’ll never get the Hispanic vote (burned that bridge a few months ago).  Most of the Hispanic voters will likely split between the Democrats and possibly the Republicans depending on who gets the convention nod.  Jeb Bush is the best bet in this case, me thinks.  The biggest downside to this scenario (if you’re Republican and a Trump fan) is that the Trump is unlikely to drag enough voters over to the third-party to actually win the presidency.  The Republicans likely lose in the polls because too many voters defect to the Trump for the GOP to win.

Number 3:  The Trump hangs in, wins the nomination, and makes the run at the White House.  Can he win?  Very possibly, but the GOP would have to mobilize voters as they’ve never done before.  This truly turns things into a head-to-head shoot-out.  In the end, I think, the Dems would win out in this scenario because they were able to mobilize the Hispanic vote and take in some number of defecting Republicans who think the Trump is crazy. 

Still…we’re more than a year out, so who knows what will happen?  One thing is for certain though.  This campaign will likely be very entertaining to watch (from a distance).  No more rides in the Trumpcopter please!

Cousin Fred just informed me that he has been reading the IRS’s publication on starting a non-profit church in this country.  Says he’ll have to put the word “church” somewhere in the name of his church.  Amazing that the IRS is the sole entity in the government that defines what makes a church…tax exempt.