Help yourself...world record setting...hiding out in Plains site...it's Thursday!

<Shhh…keep it down.>

I’m hiding out from Cousin Fred this morning. He’s trying to rope me into his latest project – the self-help guru thing - and I’m doing my best to avoid him and the Hairdressing Hydrologist Gigi.

Oh, yeah, happy Thursday by the way. But, you didn’t see me!

So, like he doesn’t have enough to keep himself occupied, Cousin Fred is now trying to engage me in his wacky enterprise. Stupid me, when I heard he and Gigi talking about a self-help project, I honestly believed there was a whole philosophy of life thing coming.

And, it may have started that way.

But, while we were at the Burning Man Festival, Gigi was steering the train onto a siding. Apparently, along the way in developing a self-help philosophy of life for Cousin Fred to spew, she discovered that there was way more $$$ to be made in simply writing self-help books of one sort or another, whether they actually help some self or not.

That is where I come in.

As most of you know, I have experience writing for and/or contributing to books, newspapers, magazines, screenplays, web content, and this stupid blog. Cousin Fred is hoping to hijack my talents and make whatever self-help book idea they come up with readable and reasonably intelligent sounding.

Hmm…

Here are a few of the concepts they’re working on. Remember, you’ve not seen me, and you’ve never heard these concepts:

• How Everything You Need to Know in Life You Can Learn from a Rabid Skunk (a pedestrian guide to hydrophobia maybe?);
• You Too Can Shoot Heroin for 40 Years and Live to Tell the Tale (photo of Keith Richards on the cover perhaps?);
• An Agnostic’s Guide to Hedging Your Bets (the Bible thumpers will love this one!);
• Disappearing in this Day and Age and Never Being Found (bet it involves throwing yourself into an active volcano.);
• Living Well on $100 a Month (bet it involves moving onto a Compound and mooching off your relatives.);
• Living Well Underground (see above);
• and, headed for the Fox News bestseller list, What Trump Got Right (undoubtedly the shortest book in history).

Okay, so now you know why I’m hiding out. I honestly don’t need this crap in my life. Like I said, you never saw me. I have too many dumb projects of my own to work through – like breaking (or creating) a world record!

I’m happy to announce that the 2019 edition of Guinness World Records has been released. And, boy oh boy, is there some bat sh*t crazy records in there!

Let’s see there’s the dude who now holds the world record for crushing watermelons with his head in a minute. The number is 49, by the way. He’s very popular at picnics where the host “inadvertently” forgot to bring a knife.

Or, the fool who set a record catching the most spears fired by a spear gun above water in one minute (magic number is 15). Number 16 was tragic, just tragic.

Let us not forget Rolf Bucholz of Dortmund, Germany who has made into the Guinness book twice. First in 2010 as the world’s most pierced man and now in the 2019 edition as the man with the most body modifications (516). That’s Rolf pictured at the top of this post. Truly, one of life’s overachievers.

Then there’s Josh Horton, who set a world record for balancing a guitar on his forehead for 7 minutes, 3.9 seconds. Nicely done, Josh. Gives me a new purpose for the surplus of guitars I have here.

The people who publish the Guinness World Records say that the 2019 version contains some 44,000 records. The first publication 60 years ago had maybe 100. I can remember first becoming aware of the Guinness Book of World Records in elementary school and thinking I could do that (whatever “that” was at the time).

So, I’m thinking the Cosmic City Blog needs to set few world records. I’m going to be working on a new “that” and will let you know when I come up with an idea. In the meantime, if you’re interested in joining TEAM CCB or have an idea you’d like to see us fail miserably at trying, drop me an email to [email protected] and let’s get to it!

That is all!

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