Hell hath done froze over...Mr. Robin is posting on Saturday!

Happy Saturday my babies! I know, right? Everyone check your calendars. It’s Saturday and CCB is posting. Hey, I promised yesterday that I would issue a special post just to report on the antics and general lunacy that has been the pre-game warm up for the 2017 Oklahoma Legislative Session, known in some quarters as Mega-Mediocrity 2017.

Let the insults begin!

A week ago yesterday, Friday, Jan. 20 for you altogether too demanding freaks, the date for the uber morons that make up the Oklahoma House to get their proposed legislation in to the Clerk of the House. How would you like that job? I’ll bet the only real qualification is that you can NOT have a sense of humor. Otherwise, you’d never get anything done you would be laughing so hard.

So according to Oklahoma’s most serious person, there were 1,340 bills and 24 joint resolutions filed. By comparison last year saw 921 bills and 31 joint resolutions filed.

This session will see 32 freshmen morons, which may explain the higher numbers of proposed bills this year. Every stinking one of them has to make his mark like the proverbial pit bull peeing in every corner of the yard.

They do that so the good folks back home will know they’re not spending their time in OKC just hanging out in strip bars and wondering if their high school sweetheart, Annabelle, ever thinks of them as they sink into an abyss of alcohol-fueled funk.

But, I digress…

Lest you think I’m ignoring the snobby idiots in the state senate, they filed 831 bills and 46 joint resolutions. By the way, one of those joint resolutions authored by a freshman senator seeks to sneak the Ten Commandments Monument back onto Capitol grounds.

Hmmmm…I thought that was put to bed in the November election when the Blair Amendment – think that was the name on it – was shot down in flames, thus prohibiting taxpayer money being spent on religious monuments at the State Capitol.

So, out of those 2,242 proposals for getting anything done, how many do you actually think will make it to Her Royal Highness Mary of Fallin’s desk for signature? Who knows? Who cares? I suppose we should care.

For illustrative purposes let’s say it’s a number approaching one-third. That’s 747 that become law of some sort. The rest are a waste of time performed in pursuit of 15 minutes of notoriety among your constituents.

No doubt, we’re in for some entertainment this session. For instance, there is a state senator, dude from Tulsa, who wants firearms to be allowed in the State Capitol. Really? Does that make sense? Frankly, I’m not sure the majority of the legislature would qualify to purchase, let alone carry weapons if they answered the question on the federal firearms form honestly – to wit, are you a deranged lunatic or a woefully undereducated moron?

Still, it might be a way to cut down on the time wasted on frivolous legislation. Let’s say that the Clerk of the House (he’s so serious) would set a limit on the number of proposed bills that could be filed prior to the start of the legislative session. Oh, we’ll call that number 300. Then said Clerk would lock all 100 Oklahoma House members inside their legislative chamber (informally called the Playpen) and walk away.

When the shooting stopped and the smoke cleared only the first 300 bills to make it to the Clerk’s desk would be considered.

You cut down on the time wasted by the legislature and create a constant turnover in legislators all in one fell swoop (or firefight). Plus, there’s a sure test of the theory of survival of the fittest involved here. Only the smartest members of the House are likely to stash extra ammo in their desk ensuring they can keep shooting when their more mentally challenged colleagues run out of ammo.

This has quality entertainment written all over it! They can sell pay per view rights to the spectacle to help with the state’s budget.

See, that’s why you read this blog…I’m a problem solver, I tell you!

The majority of bills filed have something to do with abortion (there’s a surprise), firearms, and executions. Judas priest, this is getting to be a dark, depressing place to live (pun intended).

Oh…wait…CCB’s friend, Senator Joseph Silk (aka, Joey Pajamas) who previously announced a bill he authored that would allow Oklahoma to secede from the United States (ugh) has just this past week announced his solution to abortions, namely making the person consenting to abortion liable for first degree murder. Really? Dumbass.

The one thing the morons had better get done is put in place whatever it takes so I can real beer and wine in a supermarket. PLEASE…it’s the only thing that makes living here tolerable. Well, that and Lacey Swope. And now she’s running off to Tulsa.

Alcohol is all I have left!

By the way, the actual legislative session starts February 6th at noon. Strap in kids, it’s gonna be another wild ride.

That is all!

---