I need to start sleeping in later. This getting up at four AM to: 1) let the mutts out; and, 2) pour the first cup of coffee down my throat is getting dangerous. I'm not fully brain functional at that hour. This morning as the coffee was brewing and the mutts were pounding at the door to come back in, I opened the WTOP.com web site (based in Washington, DC). WTOP is a 24-hour news radio station with a great web site with lots of information and news from all over the world.
So, there I am...squinting at my laptop, wondering if the dogs are being attacked by Goatman (there seemed to be a particular urgency in their desire to come back in) when I see the headline, "Man buns can lead to hair loss, experts say". Now, that had my attention! Of all, the things I've lost over the years, I miss my hair the most. Oh yes, I used to have beautiful hair...long and flowing. I told myself, "Wait, my booty isn't that big, is it?" But then...I realized that the article's headline didn't say anything about big manly booties...maybe mine was too small. I stumbled over to the coffeemaker, pouring myself that first of cup of coffee while trying to make sense of what I'd just read and mumbling to myself that I should have cats instead of dogs. After a couple sips of coffee, I looked again (with brain now fully firing) at the article and realized that I had missed part of the title. It was actually, "Top-knots, man buns can lead to hair loss, experts say"...well, that certainly cleared things up (NOT)! When I clicked the link I was treated to a picture of Jennifer Lopez (I think) with her head turned as she waves to her adoring fans. She has a big ol' bun/top knot atop her head with the rest of her hair pulled tightly back toward the bun. "Ohhhh," I thought to myself, "Now I get it." The article is about hair styles...something I really don't have to worry about these days. I left to go let the mutts in as I was afraid that faithful hound Sooner would start throwing rocks through the window if I didn't. Turns out, they were just anxious to get their morning treat of Beggin' Strips...those bacon-ish looking things that are made of who knows what. The article informed me that the top-knot is a very popular hairstyle among the rich and famous in Hollywood (whose motto translated from the Latin is "Hey, we're from a different planet than the rest of you!"), where A-listers, male and female, wear their hair that way. The article indicated that if you're male, it's a "man bun"...aren't you glad you read this blog? The trouble with man buns and top-knots is that apparently people are going bald because of the damage done to hair follicles when the hair is pulled back tight against the skull. The result is something called traction alopecia which is a medical term for your hair ain't growing back. Mine, the medical profession calls male pattern baldness, a medical term for my hair ain't growing back. One expert hairstylist was quoted as saying that the trick to avoiding going bald is to wear the top-knot in different spots. Huh...guess that means one should tie the bun on the side of the head occasionally...kind of a Princess Leia look. I suppose you could also tie it on the front of your head, maybe with a sharp blade protruding from it. That way, you could lower your head and use it as a weapon should the need arise! It just strikes me as odd that people with a perfectly nice head of hair would do something that they know will inevitably damage said hair. But, as I said, it's nothing I'll ever have to worry about so I guess I'll stop. Or, will I? I'm going to have to call Cousin Fred in western Arkansas to discuss this with him. He is after all, a serial entrepreneur. Maybe, the answer is a fake top-knot that you somehow clip on to your head. Hell...maybe that would work for those of us who are follicly-challenged! No hair on the skull to be seen, but you have a really hip-looking man bun! And, maybe, just maybe we can get insurance providers up to and including Medicare to pay for them! We'll push them as mental health aides for improving one's self-esteem (that's our story and we're sticking to it). Oh, for product names (and I'm just throwing these out there) how about "Bunilicious" or the "Bunsy"? I guess truth in advertising would lead to something like "Big-Hairy-Ball-For-Your-Head"...no, no, too long and the jingle would likely be censored. Eh, Cousin Fred will come up with something. Okay, so I'm off to call Cousin Fred and get him working on this. More to follow (I'm sure). Comments are closed.
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