 As you long time readers (believe we’re up to 10 now) of this blog know, I’m an early riser. Not for any particularly good reason, but it’s an old habit that’s hard to break. By early, I mean 4AM. I let the mutts outside to do their business, make some coffee, let the mutts back inside, pour a cup of coffee, give the mutts treats for going outside and not doing their business on my bed…well, you get the idea. Finally, I’ll settle in my chair at the computer and begin reading through the overnight news. The best stuff happens at night when the freaks come out to play. So I’m reading about Steve Bannon’s fall from grace (jettisoned from the NSC - let the memes begin), followed by a story about how Steve Bannon wears a button-down oxford shirt over the top of a polo shirt and a t-shirt and I’m thinking Steve Bannon may be a freak I can behind for this blog when suddenly my internet speed goes to near zero. (How’s that for a run-on paragraph? I’ll be teaching English in middle school starting next year.) I was just beginning to curse the name of my internet provider when I noticed that all the lights were on in The Cab. So, now I’m wondering what the hell Cousin Fred is up to so early in the morning. Thursday morning is trash day here at The Compound and the rolling container has to be down at the road by 6AM. So, at 4:40AM, I’m rolling the container down the 100+ meter driveway here. As I pass in front of The Cab, I can see he’s inside with several laptops and tablets scattered around the room and he’s moving from device to device doing something. Ah, the source of my bandwidth siphon, I think to myself. When I stepped up onto the porch of The Cab, he raised his head and looked at me and began gesturing for me to go away. No way, I’m letting a bandwidth pig get away with hogging my internet…no, sir! Turns out he had a total of 16 devices connected to the internet down there. He was bouncing emails all around the world, across different servers in an effort to get one, just one through to the hairdressing hydrologist Gigi. But, to this point, everytime Gigi receives an email from him, she blocks the server. He’s desperate to reach her. Wants to reconnect with her. Blah, blah, blah. I just want bandwidth. I thought about asking him where he got all of the devices, but I’m not sure I want to know. I told him to shut down at least 10 of the devices so I could finish the blog, which he agreed to do. I tell you, if this keeps up, I’m going to have to bring a mega-circuit into The Compound and I don’t want to do that. It attracts attention, if you know what I mean. And, speaking of attracting attention…yeesh…there I go with the bad segues again… Friends, I know you’ve all heard the phrase “life imitating art”…well there was an instance recently that caught the attention of us here at CCB and we feel the need to warn all of you, our dedicated readers. It seems that Kendall Jenner – oh, you known her – she’s a blood relation of the Kardashian sisters. You know, the Kardashians, the people who became famous without doing anything. They don’t sing, dance, or tell jokes, but the f$#^ing media hangs on their every move. Well, I did see one of them once on television doing a really bad karaoke lounge act somewhere. So, anyway, poor Kendall apparently has even less talent than her who-knows-what-their-talent-is half-sisters. She recently appeared in a Pepsi commercial that was some kind of weird attempt to make the police feel easier about dealing with the rest of us slobs. The premise of the commercial if you’ve not seen it (you likely haven’t because Pepsi pulled the ads), is that Kendall is at a protest march of some sort and approaches a line of police – not real police by the way. You can tell because these guys are all slim, trim, and Hollywood handsome, not a Bavarian cream to be seen. She offers one of the cops a can of Pepsi. Said Hollywood cop drinks it and suddenly the world is a much more peaceful place. Maybe Pepsi should ship their product to Syria, North Korea, and DC. We’ll all be much happier. And, people flipped saying the ads mocked the Black Lives Matter movement and others. Pepsi pulled the ads and Kendall now has to cover her face (for some reason) when she’s out in public. Sigh. Okay, life imitating art in weird cosmic sort of way. Some dumbass in Portland, Oregon, during a contentious city council meeting, approached the Mayor at the front of the room and told his honor he had something for him. He reaches inside his coat – said mayor is freaking – and brings out a Pepsi. The police rush the dais and drag Mr. Pepsi away. Reportedly the CEO, COO, and CFO of Pepsi are now locked away in a safe room hugging one another close and saying, “But, it worked for Coke back in the 60’s.” Ah, the BIG picture. That is all! Comments are closed.
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