Gigi come home, a summer solstice, Cousin Fred dances around a Lexus, and you can still order of tub of horse poo from China...must be Tuesday

Good morning everybody! It’s a great Tuesday morning. No kidding. I’m not lying like I did last week.

If you felt something weird in the Universe yesterday, we hit the summer solstice at 6:34PM CT (Compound Time) yesterday. Making things particularly extraordinary this year is that the solstice coincided with the strawberry moon. An event that won’t happen again until like 2062.

I didn’t realize what was going on until I looked out the window yesterday morning to see Cousin Fred wearing nothing but a loincloth and a smile dancing – well, skipping really – around Gigi’s car which he had moved into the center lawn here at the compound.

It actually took me a while to figure out it was Cousin Fred. He was wearing a mask I’d never seen before. Turns out it was a Justin Bieber mask…I know, fascinating right?

Poor Cousin Fred has been so despondent lately. There’s not been a word from Gigi, The Trump’s hairdresser. Her vehicle is still here though. Kind of like, Hellkat One’s trailer remained. Cousin Fred seems to have that sort of karma where he absorbs women’s toys as they move on.

I tried to console Cousin Fred yesterday, pointing out that The Trump has been in desperate need of Gigi’s services, what with this being the windiest June in the history of presidential campaigns and all. I pointed out yesterday morning that Gigi wasn’t part of The Trump’s campaign shake-up. So she’s still on the team.

But, back to the dancing.

So, Cousin Fred is hooting and hollering as he dances around Gigi’s Lexus. At some point, I noticed the windows were down on the car. Cousin Fred was lighting matches as he went past the open windows and throwing them into the interior of the car.

Oh my.

Fortunately for all, the interior of a fine Lexus automobile takes a lot more than a paper match(es) from the No-Tell Motel in Powder City, AZ to ignite. This went on until he ran out of matches, at which point he collapsed sobbing next to the vehicle.

The Wife came out onto the porch in the middle of this. It’s generally her custom to greet the summer solstice in advance and then go back to bed.

As she gritted the filterless Pall-Mall between her teeth, she grunted, “What’s with him?”
I responded, “I think he misses Gigi.”

The Wife grunted again, muttered something about “Yankee b**ch and then went back into the house.
So much for summer solstice 2016.

I’m glad he wasn’t able to set the Lexus afire. I don’t have a hose around here that will reach that far out onto the lawn. The Cosmic City Fire Dept. refuses to come out this far what with the budget cuts and all.  Fargo’s Fire Dept. would never make it across the bridge over Boggy Creek without their rig breaking down.

Another crisis averted.

As I stood there watching the pathetic scene unfold before me, I was reminded of an article I read over the weekend about a new web site called yougoatmail.com. The company will send someone you know a tiny stuffed goat in a box along with a handwritten note. Now, isn’t that special?

The cost is a mere $30.00 (including shipping) for each goat.

I toyed with the idea of sending one to Cousin Fred, but then realized it would just remind him of the loss of his pet barking goat, Lassie.

Okay, besides me, does anyone else think it’s just a little creepy that someone would send – unannounced – a small stuff goat to someone? It’s not like tiny goats have found their way into the hearts of Americans the way, say, teddy bears have.

Of course, I suppose it’s still better than the company we reported on back in November of last year that sent a tub of fresh horse crap anywhere in the world for a mere $16.95. Now, that’s a bargain!

You want send a gift that screams creepy, that’s the way to go.
 

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