Friday's Muddled Meanderings from the Compound

Happy Friday, everyone.  Busy weekend planned here.  Sunday I’ll be barbecuing pork butt for pulled pork.  Always use the Rib Ranch Replication (R3) sauce to top it (will make that on Saturday) and serve it with Rib Ranch coleslaw.  Cousin Fred will be here from western Arkansas, which generally means trouble.  Mostly I’m doing the pork butt for the brother-in-law for his help with digging out the boat ramps for the Memorable Memorial Day Weekend extravaganza here at the compound.  He didn’t seem too interested at first, something about, “I’ve seen where pigs keep their butts.  No thanks!”  I assured him I would wash it first, so he said he would give it a try.

I set out this morning to write this posting and realized I didn’t have much to work with.  Our favorite Woodward News writer, Rachael Van Horn, has been conspicuously absent from the front page lately.  Somehow her coverage of local news always provides inspiration for CCB.  So, I had to sniff around a bit to find something to post. 

Actually, I almost made a grave editorial error myself this morning.  On the front page of the Woodward News this morning, there was a piece about tonight’s Relay for Life event being moved from Boomer Stadium to the Woodward County Events Center at the Fair Grounds because of the weather.  For some reason I had it my head that the Relay for Life was tomorrow night, which would put competition for parking in and around Crystal Beach head-to-head with the Outlaw Truck and Tractor Pull at Crystal Beach Stadium across the street.  My sick sense of humor took over and I imagined a group of people on one side of the street all dressed out to raise money for the American Cancer Society and on the other…low-point-Budweiser-swilling-testosterone-driven-Oklahomans eager to see people with too much time and money on their hands push vehicles to the limit to pull…well, who cares what.  I was thinking this would make for great spectating.  I was planning to stand way off to the side as the two sides moved toward certain mutual annihilation over parking spots.  Now THAT would be some quality entertainment.  

Fortunately for all, the Relay for Life event is tonight (Friday 6/12).  It’s a great cause to raise money to eliminate the scourge of cancer from humanity.  Please participate and/or donate generously.  Oh, and be sure to attend the Outlaw Truck and Tractor Pull on Saturday (6/13) evening.  It should be particularly entertaining given that grounds inside the stadium will likely be one big mud pit. 

So, okay, not much happening there.  There was a piece on the KFOR.com web site about a 100 year old woman in Pennsylvania who attributes her longevity to “a lot of booze.”  My kind of woman!  You know, throughout my life I’ve always felt kind of discouraged when some rookie news reporter would get sent out to the Happy Valley Assisted Living Center to interview another centenarian who looks 100.  The reporter asks the secret to their long life and the inevitable answer is “Clean living.  I never smoked or drank or thought about sex.”  Thhhpppppptttttttttt!  Do yourself a favor…go to the KFOR web site and see for yourself.  That woman (we’ll call her Boozie LeRoux) looks danged healthy and nowhere near 100. 

This just goes to my theory that moderate amounts of alcohol eventually pickle and preserve you.  I certainly attribute my remarkably youthful appearance to red wine.  So, drink up America…it’s all downhill from here.  You might as well enjoy the ride. 

I often tell people I’m a life pig…I only pray I’ll live to be 100 so when asked to what I attribute my long life, I can look into the camera, raise my hands to form two horns atop my head, and scream “sex, booze, and rock n‘ roll” as AC/DC’s Highway to Hell plays in the background.  My daughter will be mortified…hehe.

Finally, I’m sure you’ve all heard the joke about the guy who goes in to see his doctor.  He says to the doctor as he’s bending his arm in an odd angle, “Doc, it really hurts when I do this.”  The doctor looks at him and says, “Well, don’t do that.”

From the Huffington Post site, we learn there’s some dude in Colorado who shot himself in the foot, not once, oh no, twice just to see how out it would feel.  I can’t make this crap up.  It seems that the Colorado Springs police were summoned to the hospital with the report of an accidental gunshot wound.  He quickly informed the cops that it was no accident…he shot himself because he was “curious” to see what it would feel like.

But wait, there’s more…

So, Hopalong Cassidy as we’ll call him goes into the garage.  Takes off one boot, shoots himself through the foot.  Puts the boot back on and fires off another round through the same foot.

But wait, there’s still more…

So the cops hear Hoppie admit he did this to himself…twice…and out comes the Colorado penal code.  They charge him with prohibited use of a weapon (duh), reckless endangerment (presumably to himself), and child abuse (because one or more of his kids were present when he did it).  ????? WHAT?!

There was no mention of what exactly drove Ol’ Hopalong to punch two rounds through his foot.  Not even a mention of how Hoppie got to the hospital…maybe he made the kid drive.  Oh sure, I could use clichés about someone shooting himself in the foot (can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that over the years).  Or, try to use an overused law enforcement maxim about legalized marijuana being a gateway drug (he did open two gates in his foot).  But, I’ll just leave it alone.  Pretty much stands there glaring at you begging for an explanation.

Have a great weekend…we’ll be back on Monday!