Film festivals...big a** grills...Mr. Robin subverting America's magazine reading...look who made the 100MIP list...it's just another week at CCB

Friends, happy Monday! The tough part is over, you survived the weekend. It’s downhill from here until Friday when the vicious cycle begins anew!

At the end of this week, of course, we have the Twister Alley Film Festival coming to the Cosmic City. This is the third year for this event and a very big deal for the city, though most don’t realize it.

I’m actually looking forward to being there and having the opportunity to meet Oklahoma native, Gray Frederickson, who produced two of my all-time favorite films, The Godfather and Apocalypse Now. Both of those films are towering American classics. If you’re within driving distance of Cosmic City, I encourage you to come and spend some time with us at the Film Festival.

Ah, but, back to my weekend, the bulk of which was spent putting together Bertha, my new 400 pound off-set smoker grill. Those of you who know me well (2 or 3, I think), know of my fondness for spending 12-13 hours on a weekend praying over the top of a grill and/or smoker to cook a brisket that literally falls apart as you fork it. In my case, though it generally turns out like shoe leather. BUT, each time I do it I learn something new and vow to do better next time as I feed the brisket to The Compound Mutts…they can chew on one of my briskets for a month and still have leftovers.

So there I was, trying to get the thing together. The Wife is off to Mexico on another of her Fabulous International Vacations. Cousin Fred was no help, he’s too busy trying to bounce phone calls and texts across four continents before they land at the White House in a desperate attempt to contact Gigi.

I was actually able to leverage Bertha’s weight in assembling the damned thing, which came in a gazillion heavy pieces. I had read online comments by people saying that one person could assemble the thing though it was difficult to do. I was breezing through assembly, thinking “well, this isn’t too bad” and then…I got to the firebox. The firebox itself was easily 100 lbs. You have to be able to lift the firebox and get at least two bolts set to hold it onto the main chamber so you can easily add the remaining 8 bolts.

Well, I finally got it done. I used a couple of my old (read as ancient) high school annuals to help prop it up – knew those would come in handy someday. Of course, my internal organs are currently down around my knees, but hernia notwithstanding, it’s done.

So after wrapping that up I found myself with little to do. I wasn’t able to watch the Thunder game on Sunday because the WAR CRIMINAL HEATHEN BASTARDS at DISH TV are now holding the local ABC affiliate hostage. Third time in a year they’ve pulled this crap. I’m done with DISH. Our DISH agreement here at The Compound is up in August, I’m headed for the exits.

So what do you do when you can’t watch TV and find yourself wondering if wearing a girdle would be sufficient to hold your guts up where they should be?

Well, I don’t know about you, but I head to Walmart and read magazines. Seriously, they don’t mind. Besides, before I go, I load myself up with little yellow sticky notes upon which I write derisive notes to the unsuspecting people who actually buy the magazines and take them home to read. Won’t they be surprised?!

I almost got caught recently because I remove the stupid “subscribe now” cards they stick in magazines and replace them with my sinister notes. Of course, that leaves me with pockets bulging from the cards which I then deposit inside the various cookware on display in the store. Nothing like pulling the lid from a crockpot only to find 100 subscription cards from People.

But, I digress…

Have you seen the latest issue of Time? It’s the 100 Most Influential People (100MIP to those of us who are hip) issue with Jeff Bezos on the cover. I riffled the issue, but alas, I didn’t make the cut this year.

And, in the big scheme of things, maybe I don’t want to be listed among the most influential. Let’s take a look at who made this year’s cut shall we (attention: spoiler alert)?

There’s Jared Kushner, whose contribution to fashion can’t be denied…where else would we have gotten permission to wear a flak jacket over an expensive Italian suit? Oh, and don’t forget to accessorize with high-dollar sunglasses as radical insurgents are plotting your destruction.

Then there’s Ivanka Trump, who happens to be the only person in the WH that made nice with Angela Merkel. The Trump is reportedly sending her to Germany to collect a check for overdue NATO membership fees. Bet the check bounces.

Julian Assange made the cut. Yeah, he’s influential…he’s taught all of us how to hide from authorities by taking sanctuary inside a foreign embassy to avoid charges of rape. Putz…

Interestingly, The Trump and Vlad the Poot both made the list. Curiously Vlad the Poot was ahead of The Trump on the list. That will cause outrage and threats of a first strike on The Trump’s part. He hates finishing second.

Oh, and the pudge-put with a really bad haircut, Kim Jong Uno made the list. Go figure.
F*#k Oh Dear, Her Royal Highness Mary Queen of Fallin made the list. Really? She can’t even influence the morons in the Oklahoma State Legislature to pass a RESPONSIBLE state budget. What the hell has she ever influenced?

So, as you can see, there’s a lot left to be desired (nyuk nyuk, secret pun) when it comes to the list. Why couldn’t a little-known Oklahoma blogger (aka, Me) make the cut? I’m influential in my own special way. Yes, I am! Say, maybe…just maybe…if I keep putting my derisive notes inside the magazines at Walmart, I’ll become influential too!

See you next year, Time!

That is all.
 
 

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