 Happy freakin’ Monday, you madcaps! You know, time is quickly running out for you to purchase passes for the 2017 Clustering of Gigolos Music Festival here at The Compound. Seriously, people, we’re three weeks away and we’ve only sold 50 passes.
Of course, Cousin Fred bought all of those to hand out to his pals. Heathen fool, I’m not even sure he has 50 friends! Anyway, please go to Ticketmister and purchase your passes today. As you may recall, joining the smashed up hulk of the Buick that The Brother-in-Law rammed out in the road in front of The Compound, we now have the burned-out molten frame of Mr. Kim’s Korean Plum Wine Hooch carrying RV. Someone from Cosmic County showed up late Friday afternoon and asked just what it is we think we’re doing by pushing all of our wreckage out onto a county road. I told the person I had no idea how all of that got there. It just appeared overnight…over two nights…we saw and/or heard nothing. It’s our story and we’re sticking to it. He smiled and said that a wrecker would be here on Monday to haul it all away. That’s all good because I really don’t have time to deal with any more nonsense around here. I’ve got a festival to run dammit! Mr. Kim has headed back to Tulsa to start brewing/distilling/vinting/whatever another mammoth batch of Korean Plum Wine Hooch. He’s pretty certain he can borrow his brother-in-law’s RV to transport it back here in time for the festival. I’m working on the final schedule of acts that will perform. It’s down now to negotiating who goes first, second, and so on. The really bad acts will want spots late in the Festival when everyone is bonked out of their gourds on the hooch. Believe me when I tell you – enough Korean Plum Wine Hooch and The Archies would sound good. Warning: Do not attempt to search for music by The Archies on YouTube. Doing so could turn you off music for the rest of your life. I left Cousin Fred in charge of getting us a battery of portable toilets. A mistake. I obviously overestimated his abilities. He hasn’t done crap (pun intended). Yesterday, I was screaming at him to get on the phone and find me 200 chemical toilets! See, it’s those tiny details that can wreck everything. I told him that he’d better lay off the hooch until we get past the festival. He saved several jugs of the stuff before the fire. He and the hairdressing hydrologist Gigi have been spending these hot summer days hiding out in the Cabinet Saloon replication doing who knows what and drinking hooch. At night though, they come alive, I can hear music and laughing going on all night long. Those two are up to something, I just can’t figure it out. And, speaking of dumbasses (poor segue, I know). Folks, if you’re like me (and, I pray you aren’t), you probably want to give The Trump the benefit of the doubt, don’t you? You hope the Electoral College voted the right person into office, yes? I mean, I read the tweets online. I think I’m reading between the lines, that it’s all a ruse to lure his enemies into a false sense of security…or something like that. I think he must have something going for him. He’s a billionaire supposedly, right? So if you overlook the numerous business failures over the years, the bankruptcies, and the lawsuits, he must have it on the ball, right? Well, you hope so anyway since the dude has the ability to turn Earth into a lifeless rock in space. But then, we hear that he and Vlad (The Poot) Putin had a private meeting at the G20 summit last Friday in which they (with apparently straight faces) discussed forming an “impenetrable U.S.-Russian cyber-security unit”…huh? What? Get me a Q-tip! Obviously I need to clean out my ears! I don’t think I heard that correctly! Yep, that’s what they discussed…oh, along with a cease fire in Syria. Yeah, about as much chance of that happening as a joint cyber-security team. When the news of that got out, even Republicans turned on him. That had The Trump backpedaling Sunday night and attempting to spin what he really meant. He was tweeting stuff about he didn’t think that a joint cyber security unit was likely to happen, but pointed out that he did work out a ceasefire in southwest Syria. Judas priest…as I sat reading all this, I couldn’t help but think this was the dumbest f**king thing I’ve ever heard. One lawmaker, and I’m sorry I don’t recall who, said that we might as well just send our ballot boxes to Russia for counting. We’re doomed. Buy your Clustering of Gigolos Music Festival passes now, even if you aren’t attending the ICP’s a Gathering of Juggalos. It may be your last memory of Earth. Just sayin’… That is all! Comments are closed.
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