Fearless Leader's new(est) BFF...thick political analysis contained herein (snort)...a sh***y situation down in FLA.

Good morning everybody! Hope everyone is doing well and hasn’t burned through all their fruitcake yet. If you have more tins of dense confection than you’ll possibly ever eat, you know where to bring it!

So, it appears that Fearless Leader has a new BFF and this one doesn’t have a criminal indictment hanging over their head or is an already-convicted felon facing Federal time as they pray for a presidential reprieve.

No sir. This fellow is clean (so far). I’m speaking, of course, about Howard Schultz, currently the CEO of Starbucks (we’ll call him Mr. Coffee). What qualifies him as Fearless Leader’s BFF you ask? Well, he announced on television on Sunday night that he is running for president in 2020 as an independent candidate.

Still not getting it? Allow me to explain.

Mr. Coffee, at least from what I heard in the 60 Minutes interview, seems like a reasonably intelligent and very balanced human being. That makes him the antithesis of an American presidential candidate.

So, why isn’t he running as a Dem, you ask?  He claims that neither of the usual gangs of suspects (i.e., Repubs and Dems) share his vision for America. Ah, a man of vision, ethics, and morals…again, why the hell is he running for president?

The problem is if such an individual were to run as an independent, he will likely siphon enough votes away from the Democrats to literally hand Fearless Leader a reelection victory. Well, assuming Fearless Leader has enough of his so-called base left to reelect him (most of them are very angry right now).

Hmmm…maybe Mr. Coffee is on to something here.

The alleged base is pissed off at Fearless Leader for what they perceive as his caving in to Dems on ending the Federal shutdown without securing $$$ for the Great Wall of America as part of the deal.

Even Ann “Long Neck” Coulter, the world’s most rabid conservative and number one model for XL intubation products, turned on him, calling Fearless Leader a wimp. Haha, oh, I do enjoy it when conservatives fight.

In truth, Fearless Leader got what he wanted. This back and forth between him and the Dems in Congress is back in the Dems’ court. They’re supposed to be working with the Repubs to come up with a deal on border security that will meet with Fearless Leader’s approval.

Failing that, Fearless Leader is promising another government shutdown in less than three weeks. It also gives him the opportunity for making the case for invoking his supposed presidential mystery powers for declaring an emergency and robbing other government agencies to pay for the damned wall anyway.

On and on, back and forth, so on and so forth.

Nothing changes.

Well, except that Trump will be reelected if Mr. Coffee gets involved. He and his gang of cruel thugs must be dancing around the West Wing and ordering scads of Starbucks non-dairy-mocha-latte-espresso-with-a-shot-of-sugar-free-eco-friendly-vanilla-muy-grande drinks and toasting a fabulous portrait of his visage that someone stole from a Starbucks and has undoubtedly hung in the WH Hall of Heroes (includes portraits of Nixon (he’s still dead, right?), Spiro “Got Milk?” Agnew, Mike “Got Tank?” Dukakis, and even Miss Monica).  

And speaking of getting more than you bargained for (poor segue, I know), a man in Florida (always in F.L.A.) found himself in a shi**y situation after stealing what he thought were opioids from his roommate.

So, our alleged pill thief, we’ll call him ex-Lax found a bottle of pills in his roommate’s medicine cabinet. The label read “Hydrocodone Acetaminophen” so ex-Lax did what any opioid addicted person already on double secret probation for a previous opioid offense would do. He shoved a handful in his mouth. Only problem is, he didn’t get high. Turns out the pill bottle was full of generic brand laxative tablets.

Oh my.

In the meantime, the roommate called the po-po to report the theft of pills from her personal stash. Once the cops figured out it was him, they arrested him. What, for being stupid and taking largish amounts of a laxative, you ask? Hasn’t he been punished enough already, you may also be asking?

As you may recall he is already on double secret probation. Now he’s in the county jail and hasn’t moved off the toilet for days.

See kids…crime really doesn’t pay…usually.
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That is all!