Fearless Leader blinks (go figure)…roundtable discussions at The Compound today...cavortion funding...problem solved!

Yea, it’s Thursday everybody! Hope you’re feeling okay and doing fine.

Here at The Compound I’m convening a roundtable breakfast discussion. Of course, the only people who will show up for my roundtable of spirited intellectual musings are Cousin Fred and Friend Lamont. Oh, and Luke the Mutt, but he just sits next to me waiting for me to drop a morsel of food that he can make his own.

The subject of this morning’s roundtable will be the seemingly inexplicable announcement by Fearless Leader last night that the State of the Union is officially postponed (by him this time) until after the shutdown ends.

Why the hell did he do that? This, after days upon days of firing flaming arrows (via Twitter) at Nancy of the Chuck and Nancy Show. This, after seeking venues for the SOTU speech since Pelosi told him no-go in the House Chamber, the traditional venue.

It is so unlike Fearless Leader to back down, but that appears to be what is happening. He blinked. That is so unlike him. It occurred to me that maybe: 1) he is planning to blame Pelosi for everything (nah, he’s already done that); 2) someone on his staff of thugs convinced him that taking the SOTU to West Virginia just makes him look stubborn and generally stupid (fill in your sub comment here); and/or, 3) the meds have finally kicked in and he realized that the majority of people (according to polls) are blaming HIM (not the GOP) for the shutdown.

Yeah, it’s most likely number 3. He’s an irretrievably insecure person. He hates it when people don’t like him. Does this mean he’ll signal to the Human Turtle McConnell to let the House proposal to end the shutdown come onto the Senate floor for a vote? Not sure there are enough meds in the world to make that happen, but who knows.

But the one known here in an everchanging D.C. environment is that…he blinked.

Maybe, just maybe he’s found an alternate path for funding his damned wall that will fail anyway. There is a legislator in Arizona that wants to levy a (dare we say?) tax on people who watch porn online as a means for funding said wall.

Representative Gail Griffin (pictured) has introduced a bill (House Bill 2444) that would force vendors who sell electronic equipment in the state to add software to said equipment that would block adult content. You want to watch naked people cavort (FYI, cavorting is an illegal activity in some counties of Utah, Montana, and Mississippi) on screen? You will have to send $20 and a certification that you are 18 years of age to the Arizona Dept of Commerce. In return they’ll send you the code for deactivating the blocking software.

Because, we at CCB delight in doing weird math, we figured out that at $20 a pop you would need 285 million participants (now, there’s a pornographer’s dream) to hit Fearless Leader’s arbitrary number of $5.7 billion. If you take into consideration that everyone probably has an average of three internet-connected devices (laptop, tablet, phone), that number comes down to 95 million participants.

We’re getting closer!

In the end though, the population of Arizona (at its peak, cuz it varies throughout the year) is 7.016 million people, at $20 gets us to somewhere just north of $140 million times three devices comes to $420 million. A ton of dough, I’ll grant you, but not nearly enough. Plus, you have to take into consideration that some of the snowbirds will bring devices from outside of the state with them.

This gives us new fodder for the roundtable this morning. If you apply the same weird math to all the remaining border states: Texas, New Mexico, California, it looks a bit better.

Texas: 28.3 million population x $20 x 3 devices = $1.7 billion

New Mexico: 2 million population (where did all the people go?) x $20 x 3 devices = $125 million

California: 39.5 million population x $20 x 3 devices = $2.4 billion

Throw in Arizona’s $420 million and the grand total is something north of $4.6 billion.

Now, granted, not all those people have three devices or watch porn online, but chances are they’re DoTs (Disciples of Trump) and will be willing to take one for the team!

And, yes, we know, it’s still more than $1 billion short of Fearless Leader’s goal. But hey, he seems flexible enough on the wall. I’ll bet with $4.6 billion in naked cavorting funding, he can build a wall of used wooden pallets! Yeah! That’s the ticket. The environmentalists will love it because it’s recycling. The termites will love having nearly 2,000 miles of dinner to chew through. It’s win-win, I’m telling you!

Thank you, Arizona legislature for pointing the way to a USG restart.

Problem solved!
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That is all!