Don't Give Your Franklin Mint Elvis Commemorative Plates to the Oklahoma GOP!

Quick…don’t think about it…just do it.  Cash out your children’s college funds and your 401k, sell your Franklin Mint Elvis Commemorative Plates, consider robbing convenience stores (just not naked)…anything that can be done to raise cash.  The Oklahoma Republican Party is broke…the coffers are empty…the cash cow has gone dry…the GOP in Oklahoma is in debt for goodness sake!  We’re all gonna die!  Hillary Clinton will own this state!  O’ the humanities!

Uh…wait a sec…what?

NewsOK.com ran an article on their web site last Friday, the headline of which read, Oklahoma GOP Chairman Says Party Has Run Out of Money.  Wow, really?  Like the fish that I am, I was hooked and read on.

Apparently, the new chairman of the Oklahoma Republican Party sent out a fundraising email to Republican faithful that stated, among other things:

·         The state GOP is “upside down on the balance sheet” (sounds like  kinky accounting fun).

·         The chairman had to lay off seven paid staff members (This is a particularly troublesome claim to make – how many paid staff remain?   What was the level of the workers targeted in the lay off?).

·         He indicated he is working without a salary (how will he eat?).

·         He is depending upon help from volunteers (probably the poor slobs he laid off). 

The chairman declined repeated requests for clarification from The Oklahoman as to finance specifics.  A Federal Elections Commission report for the period ending February 28th showed the state party to be $10,545 in debt.  That’s it?

Hell, that’s less than the average American carries in credit card debt. 

That’s when it hit me.

This is all about the fundraising.  It seems to be a newish trend among pols…whip everyone into a frenzy with Chicken Little predictions of dire consequences.  For instance, I get daily fundraising emails from Rand Paul.  My favorite was the email I received just after he officially announced he is running for President in 2016.  The email stated (and I am paraphrasing here) something along the lines of, “Dear Robin.  I did what you told me to do and announced my candidacy for President.  Please do your part and send me funds so that we may together take back this country.”

Uh huh.  First of all, I have ZERO idea how I wound up on Rand Paul’s email list (probably one of my “friends” added me), so I certainly did not tell him to announce his candidacy.   Also, I don’t think I want to do anything together with Dr. Paul…frankly, I think he’s a bit flakey.

What followed and continues to follow are daily emails from the Rand Paul campaign that are becoming increasingly menacing in tone.  Stuff like (again, I’m paraphrasing here), “Dear Robin, Why are you ignoring my pleas for help?  I can’t do it without you.”  Now, I’m even getting personal emails from someone on the campaign with stuff like (paraphrasing), “Dear Robin, Rand Paul asked for your help, but we’ve heard nothing from you.  Are you okay?”

I’ve finally convinced my SPAM filter that Rand Paul is nothing I want to see in my in-box.

But, I digress…back to the Oklahoma GOP.  The chairman is asking the Republican faithful to join the Minute Man Club (costs $8.25/month)…or if you’re really into bailing him out you can join the Elephant Club for a mere $5,000.  I’m telling you, this guy has torn a page from the Oral Roberts manual of fundraising. 

The really interesting part of the article is that the former GOP chairman is disputing the claim that the party is in serious financial trouble.  Hmmmm…wonder if anybody checked those sacks that the former chairman carried out the door on his last day?  Hahaha – just kidding. 

The GOP even has state Democrats scratching their head.  They point out that Republicans control the state’s congressional delegation, both chambers of the dysfunctional state legislature and most statewide offices.  With that much reach and influence, how is it that the Republicans can’t maintain a solid cash flow, they ask?

How indeed.  It’s all about the fundraising, I guess.

Our disbarred and disgraced attorney insisted that we add the following disclaimer:  CCB does not actually encourage anyone to empty their child’s college fund or 401K account.  Further, CCB does not condone or encourage anyone to rob convenience stores (naked or otherwise). Lastly, hang onto your Elvis Commemorative Plates from Franklin Mint.