 Friends, you talk about a guy who had it all and lost it, Jim Bakker was that guy. Remember him? He was a TV evangelist who, along with his garishly made-up wife, Tammy Faye, had an incredibly successful, not to mention lucrative, show on television back in the 80’s called the PTL Club. His downfall began when he was accused of raping Jessica Hahn (that also happened in the 80’s). Oh and then there was the whole fraud thing wherein he bilked MILLIONS out of his followers. That sent him to prison for five years (that was in the 80’s), where he was known Double-K. While in prison Tammy Faye divorced his sorry ass (think that was in the 80’s also).
The 1980’s were not good to Brother Jim. Well, now (in the upper 2010’s) Jimbo is back on television hawking survivalist food and doomsday prepper equipment. Sure, why not? Oh, and during his infomercials, he makes statements that the Antichrist is alive and residing in people who dare make fun of The Trump. Hey! Are you listening Scott Pelley, Lester Holt, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, et al…ad infinitum…? Really? The Jimster is somehow able to tie this to the first horse in Apocalypse…blah, blah, blah. I’d share the details, but your head might explode. But, to make certain we have this right…as I understand it, a disgraced holy man from the 80’s (wonder if he was angst ridden while wearing linen suits with a t-shirt) says that criticizing The Trump is hastening the end of the world? I believe I have that correct. Hmmmm…<slapping forehead>…oh! I get it! So with the end of the world hastening in our direction, NOW is the time to load up on freeze dried survivalist foods and doomsday prep equipment. And, oh, what’s this? Jim Bakker, former holy man and forever huckster, sells same! It’s a miracle! I mean it must be inevitable. There’s no way people will stop dissing The Trump. There’s so much to dis! We’re doomed! Course, you people never listen to me. For $400, Brother Jim will fill your pantry with enough food to feed you for a year (1,496 servings of freeze dried rubbery yum)! Just you. Your spouse, your kids, your whatever…they’ll watch you eat and remark what a foresightful individual you were to buy into 80’s Jim’ latest scam. And, then fight over the crumbs around your feet. Thank you, Jim Bakker…thank you! Sleep well, America…the end is near! I know all of you are simply breathless with anticipation to hear what happened yesterday afternoon. In short, nothing. Seriously, no one showed up. This after I made a very special effort to go out and find a SpongeBob SquarePants tie! It even lights up! Eh well, I have another couple of days here so who knows maybe the thugs will reappear. This morning I’m too busy to deal with it. Off to attend The Daughters graduation from the George Mason School for Advanced Truck Driving. I’ll wear my SpongeBob tie to the commencement. The Daughter will be so proud! Who’s next? That is all! Comments are closed.
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