Day two of 2019...fruitcake is the new Bitcoin...how Oklahoma's economy really works (who needs oil and gas?)…other tidbits you need in your life (you'll thank me later)!

Happy day two of 2019 everybody! Please do tell me what you accomplished yesterday on day one. Hopefully a lot. It’s gone, and you can’t get a redo.

How do you like my new cheerleader/life coach approach to things at CCB so far? I know it’s great, right? I’m inspiring each and every one of you to be something, am I not? I’ll help you make the most of what you have in front of you. No need to thank me or even pay me. Okay, payments in the form of expensive gifts, money, or fruitcake (coin of the realm in parts of the known universe) are happily accepted and will make me stop with this nonsense.

“Gee, Mr. Robin, tell us what you did yesterday,” you’re probably thinking. Okay, I will. I was able to finally track down Cousin Fred and Friend Lamont. They’re holed up in a Walmart parking lot near St. George, S.C., the midway point between D.C. and the Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida. According to Cousin Fred, they’re waiting to see Fearless Leader’s next move.

As you dedicated readers may recall, they originally camped out across the street from the resort expecting Fearless Leader and his entourage including the hairdressing hydrologist Gigi to arrive for the Christmas holiday. But they were tricked. Fearless Leader and those he on whom he is most dependent (including Gigi) remained in D.C. to sign fake bills, watch Beverly Hillbillies reruns, and eat fast food.

So, they had started driving back north toward D.C. when word came that Fearless Leader was in Iraq of all damned places. They stopped in St. George, S.C. waiting to see what the next wave of travel would bring. When it looked as though it would be festivities at Mar-a-Lago for New Year’s Eve, they turned back south only to get news that Fearless Leader was tweeting from the White House he was all alone back in D.C. and “working”.

Cousin Fred then turned back north, but word came that Trump might actually sneak in some golf in Florida since Congress wasn’t likely to move on anything during the first week of January. The Cousin Fred Tour-de-RV made a U-turn south headed back to Florida. Then came word that Fearless Leader was inviting congressional morons to the White House for meetings on giving him his way (read as that stupid wall).

At that point Cousin Fred and Friend Lamont decided to park the RV in a Walmart parking lot in South Carolina and not move until they know for certain what’s going to happen.

Cousin Fred has taken work as a sign spinner for a new condo development along I-95, though he has already been cited twice by law enforcement for spinning his sign in the median of the busy interstate.

I spent the better part of yesterday trying to convince the two idiots to just come on back to The Compound.  I pointed out that I’m tiring of caring for their medical marijuana enterprise and that harvest is probably less than a month away.

I also pointed out that no matter how settled at The Compound Gigi appears from time to time, she always runs off to fix the dead cat atop Fearless Leader’s skull. Face facts, I told Cousin Fred, she’s a gypsy that can’t be tied down to living life in a subterranean pod buried on the north lawn.

I think I may have finally gotten through to him. He has a court date this morning over the citations for illegal sign spinning that he has no intention of showing up for. That means bench warrants will be issued and the hunt will be on. I pointed out that Oklahoma has no extradition agreements with South Carolina or any other state for that matter.

It’s the one thing that the morons in the state legislature here did correctly. In the legislature’s eyes, Oklahomans have a God-given right to commit crimes in other states then return to Oklahoma where they’ll contribute to the state’s economy by spending their ill-gotten gains. The legislature even put a very liberal tax break on said ill-gotten gains. A lot of foresight in that bunch.

Oklahoma, a sanctuary for outlaws. Who knew?

So that was my yesterday. What will you do today? I’ll help. Let’s start small. Stay away from the all-you-can-eat chicken-fried steak buffet at El Gordo’s Hog Trough Diner (home of the bacon fat and mayo sandwich) and instead get a veggie sub. That’s a good start. Tomorrow, we’ll discuss saving money on gasoline by siphoning gas from vehicles with Texas plates.

2019 will be great year, I can tell already!

That is all!