 The sun isn’t even up yet here at the Burning Man site, but the party is over. Last night was the climax of the festival: the burning down of the 100-foot effigy at the center of our temporary universe. It was spectacular I can tell you, but I’m burned out and ready to go home. Just one problem. No Cousin Fred or Friend Lamont. It’s been four days I think since I last saw them. Today is escape day here at Black Rock Desert. There are a few more events going on throughout today, but for the most part people are fleeing. There was a rumor going around last night before the burn that if you didn’t clear the Playa by 10AM this morning they’re going to close the gates and press the lingerers into service cleaning up. I’m out of here. I found the keys to the RV stashed in a cubby hole in the dash, so I can drive out of here. Just want to give those two idiots a chance to find their way back. As a worst case, I’ll drive into the town of Black Rock and wait there for a while if necessary. In the meantime, I’ll relate something that sped across my newsfeed over the weekend that shows just how genuinely stupid criminal-types can be. Queue the Theme from Dragnet please. So, here’s a hypothetical for you – though I know none of you is stupid enough to do something like this – so, purely hypothetical. So, let’s say you’re a 32-year-old, a man of the world, and an enterprising umm let’s say freelance pharmacist (read as drug dealer). And let’s say that you think you’ve come up with a way to keep the Man (read as cops) off your ass. In fact, you think you’re so clever that you convince your 20-year-old live-in girlfriend that you’re a genius and will make a lot of money for both of your futures (she always drools over the pink Jeep Wranglers). You know that those pesky neighbors around you are always snooping around and then calling the cops when they see dozens of people entering and exiting your home at all hours of the day or night. Am I right? Why can’t people mind their own business!? So, you set to work to implement your plan, because after all you’re an implementer and a criminal mastermind. Am I right? Our two would-be pharma proprietors set about t setting up shop. First thing, they convert their kitchen window at the back of their mobile home into a drive-thru hatch. Genius! Then they plant signs throughout the neighborhood with mysterious blue arrows pointing the way. Again, genius! The freelance drive-thru pharmacy is open for business! Cars pull up to the window. A “co-pay” is paid, alleged illicit pharmaceuticals are handed out through the window. On your way! These two were so brazen that they even put up one of those Closed Until signs with a clock face in the window. Hey, even the most genius of genius criminal masterminds must get some sleep! The thing is, no one seemed to notice the cars driving around the mobile home at all hours. No one even bothered to wonder out loud about the blue arrow signs. But then, the cops (they’re clever down in Florida) begin to see a pattern. Mostly people dying from overdoses of heroin laced with fentanyl in a rather tight several-block area of the city. Those clever cops send an undercover guy out to follow the blue arrows. He makes a purchase at the window. Then, guess what happened. Go on, guess. Yep, the cops raid the place. They arrest our entrepreneurial couple and drag them off to the local hoosegow. The man’s father, who actually owns the trailer, swears he knew nothing about the drug activity going on there. Said his son had been visiting a methadone clinic for some time to help with his addiction. Oh, he also told a local reporter that the overdoses are fake news. Uh huh. I’m sure he’s proud of his boy. So that’s it for now. I’m giving Cousin Fred and Friend Lamont another hour and then I’m out of here. Back to The Compound! That is all! Comments are closed.
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