Ahhh…another glorious day at the compound. Or, is it? There’s likely a fight brewing between the wife and Cousin Fred.
Cousin Fred is still here. And, it’s a self-inflicted wound. I asked him to stay here until we get past the August Thrash Metal Jam Festival here at the compound. Of course, I didn’t tell the wife that he would be staying here until then (one self-inflicted wound a week is enough). She came back from the bean curd potluck feast in southeastern Colorado late yesterday, expecting, I’m sure, Cousin Fred to be gone. She didn’t say anything when she came in the door and found him lounging on the sofa watching an episode of “Trailer Park Boys” (Cousin Fred seems to identify with Julius) on Netflix. When the wife saw Cousin Fred on the sofa (he didn’t acknowledge her arrival – never even attempted to move so much as a hand to wave hello), she gave me that WTF look that she saves for when she’s really pissed. I was sitting at the table working on a dilemma and acted as though I didn’t know what was wrong. Hey, I was busy! My dilemma lies in the fact that interest in the Thrash Metal Jam Festival here at the compound next month is ummmmm…nonexistent. We aren’t selling tickets. I can’t get the press (such that it is out here) to even do a drive-by. I kept thinking about how I got myself into such a mess and how I was going to find my way back out. The wife, sensing that bringing up Cousin Fred’s presence at this particular moment in time would be akin to debating a boiled onion, went back to the bedroom and slammed the door. Since I had asked Cousin Fred to stay and consult with me on pulling off the festival, I decided that it was time to consult. He listened to my dilemma for some time and asked a few pointed questions such as whether any bands have agreed to perform. I indicated that I had positive responses from at least five bands with more expressing a solid interest. As I believe I mentioned in a previous post, I had reached out to AC-DC to stop in for a set since they’re touring North America this summer anyway. Of course, that met with a stern letter from their attorney telling me to cease and desist (I seem to hear that a lot lately). I had reached out to Phil Rudd the former drummer for the band who got himself into legal trouble back in New Zealand and missed the start of the tour. I thought if I could get Phil Rudd to show up here – likely badmouthing Angus and the boys for leaving him behind – it would be a good draw. Turns out, he is already under house arrest and is due back in court on August 3rd for violating his house arrest. I am still contemplating having him appear via satellite feed…well, that is only if I can sneak the wife’s American Express out of her purse. Cousin Fred listened to everything I had been doing up to that point and then offered what may turn out to be a brilliant avenue of escape. He told me to go to the KFOR web site where we watched a video about how someone discovered that Christina Fallin, the 28 year old daughter of HRH Mary of Fallin, has been living in a travel trailer parked next to the Governor’s Mansion since April. Uh huh…I’ll bet it was one of the palace servants who’s likely tired of carrying Christina’s breakfast out to the trailer every morning. Now normally that wouldn’t be a big deal for most people. My daughter, Veronica, is welcome to come live here at the compound any time she wants (or needs to as the Feds slowly sneak up on us). I think most parents would welcome their grown kids back, be it in a trailer or not. What appears to make this a big deal is that there is concern that she’s burning up taxpayer dollars (electricity and presumably water and who knows what else) living the life of an Okie Nomad next to HRH’s Public Supported Palace. Oh…the other issue? Hahahahaha…apparently Oklahoma City has an ordinance that prohibits individuals living inside a travel trailer next to a home for more than 14 days in a given calendar year. Oklahoma City officials were quick to respond that technically the Governor’s Mansion is exempt from OKC ordinances. Really? Bet they’re just afraid HRH will send an army of Oklahoma Highway Patrol troopers to storm city offices and declare martial law. So we’re back to whether or not Daughter Christina is running up mondo bills on the backs of poorer Oklahomans who don’t have rich relatives with whom they can mooch. It was an interesting report, but what did I care? I looked at Cousin Fred with my best, “so what” look. He rolled his eyes, slapped the back of my head and called me a dumb ass. The head slap finally brought to the fore what he was thinking…cause, now I thinking it too! I began emailing every freaking email address I could find for someone in the state government. I am offering Christina Fallin the opportunity to take some heat off HRH and park her travel trailer here at the compound. Further, she will serve as emcee for the festival. Think about it…she’s the perfect storm for what I need. She’s something of a minor celebrity…kind of in the way Kim Kardashian is (still can’t figure out what she did to be so famous except marry Kanye). She does have her own band…the Stone Poneys (no, wait that was Linda Ronstadt)…the Painted Ponys (no, that was a creepy kid’s cartoon)…oh wait, found it…Pink Pony. Yeah, that’s the name of her band. They don’t do Thrash Metal, but at this point who cares? I’m counting on lurid side of humanity that will drive out here and pay an admission just to see what stunt Christina will pull while on stage. It’s perfect! Ahhhh…things are looking up. It will be grand day…grand, I’m tellin’ ya! Comments are closed.
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