CCB reports another weird, demented trend in America...you'll thank us later!

You know, Thursdays kind of suck. Seriously. You’re just to the right of Wednesday (aka, Hump Day), but still left of Friday (aka, Freedom Day). Guess that would make Thursday In-Between Day if you’re keeping score at home. Maybe it’s why people generally meet people for after-work-drinks on Thursday night. Everyone is drowning their sorrows that Friday (Freedom Day) is so slow in coming.

Of course, here in Cosmic City, all Thursday means to me is that I have to roll the trash cart out to the road before 6AM for pick-up. When you have the length of a football field (including one end zone) of driveway to get down there, it’s a freakin’ job.   

Well, you say, Mr. Robin how come you don’t roll the trash cart down the night before? Good question, astute reader, good question. The answer is because this is Oklahoma, and anything can happen overnight. There could be horrific winds overnight that the weather guessers failed to predict properly and your trash finds its way to Kansas (cheaper there you know).

Also, a trash cart becomes an easy temptation for any of a host of animals in these here parts…including the coyote, raccoon, bobcat and/or atavistic teenaged farm boy in daddy’s white Chevrolet pick-up careening down the road feeling somewhat tipsy on low-point beer. Haha…we’ve all been there.

But, I digress…

Friends, as you long-time followers of this stupid blog probably (read as hopefully) have noticed, we at CCB are masters at spotting trends in the news overnights and reporting them.

We are beginning to see a new trend as it emerges and feel compelled to take up some of your precious Thursday telling you about it.

I speak, of course, about the trend of men exercising naked in public places (note that I didn’t make the cheap pubic places joke…Doh!). I can guarantee you that Carlton the Doorman on the CBS Evening News isn’t touching these stories.

Take for instance, the guy in New Hampshire, who after being forced to watch repeated Planet Fitness commercials on television with their “No Judgement Zone” message decided to take them up on it.

Police reports of the incident indicate that our alleged truth-in-advertising-tester, hereafter Yogi, walked into Planet Fitness where he immediately disrobed down to naked and left his clothes in a neat pile near the front desk before taking a stroll through the facility.

When police arrived, they found Yogi over in the yoga mat section in “a yoga-type position” – bet it was downward facing dog. Now you have a reason to go drinking on Thursday night just to get that image out of your head.

People stayed around the gym to give police statements that included words like, “sick, disgusting, unsafe, and uncomfortable,” yeah, no judgement there huh?

Reportedly, people who weren’t even in the gym at the time have been coming to the police to make statements.

Eh, there’s apparently not much going on in New Hampshire.

Not surprisingly, police found drug paraphernalia in Yogi’s clothes though it’s unclear as to whether he was under the influence. He is charged with indecent exposure, lewdness, and disorderly conduct and is awaiting a hearing in September.

Our disbarred and disgraced CCB attorney doesn’t feel the charges will amount to much. After all, the truest traditions of yoga have participants wearing as little (or no) clothing as possible. Yogi was just trying to free his…whatever.

Next!

Now we look in on Nashville, where over the weekend, a 25-year-old (we’ll call him Jumpin’ Jack Flasher – JJF to his friends – that’s his mugshot above) allegedly went into the women’s restroom in a McDonald’s and stripped naked before commencing a lengthy series of jumping jacks.

After management was unable to get him to leave, they called the cops saying he’d been in there “all day.”

The cops arrive to find JJF doing jumping jacks and then throwing himself against a tile wall. They noticed a strong chemical odor about JJF. Apparently, he had been huffing something and felt the need to demonstrate his super human powers by performing jumping jacks and trying to bust through a wall in a women’s restroom.

Officers were not impressed and JJF was arrested for criminal trespassing, public intoxication, and public indecency.

Turns out JJF has a long history and is known to Nashville police as a huffer. He has been warned repeatedly in the past to stay away from McDonald’s.

CCB’s disbarred and disgraced attorney rolled his eyes when we showed him this. He suggested we warn women to carefully check inside McDonald’s restroom prior to stepping inside.

You’ve been warned.
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That is all!
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