![]() Good to be with you this Thursday morning. Hope everyone is well. I was up all night here at The Compound finishing a draft for self-help guru Fredriche’s (aka, Cousin Fred) next big self-help book, “Toward a Millennial Utopia: Max Out Your Credit Cards and Walk Away.” I must admit I’m a bit apprehensive about this one. Beyond the obvious ethics questions, I have concern that he’ll wind up in some sort of legal jam. As the title hints (hints as in a fog horn), he is proposing that people go out and apply for credit cards and then max out the credit limits while pursuing their own personal hedonistic lifestyle…whatever that personal hedonistic lifestyle may involve…for them, personally. The idea is to do it quickly before the bills begin arriving in the mail demanding payment. At that point Fredriche recommends simply walking away. If you’re smart, according to him, you’ll spend the money on things like booze and food and other consumables that can’t be repossessed. After a few months of living large, you declare yourself mentally incompetent, have an attorney file for bankruptcy, and start all over (after five or six years). Sure, you’re dead to the credit providers for a period of several years, but so what? If you plan it well, you can live life on your terms at least until they cut off your credit line. Thus speaketh Fredriche! Oh, now, after reading one of the Post Redux that we posted in the past day or so, Cousin Fred is all hot to trot again on harvesting the hedgeapples from the wind break in the far south pasture and trying to make snacks out of them. It didn’t work in 2015, it’s not likely to work now. He is deploying Friend Lamont to explore the possibility since we’re on hold until Oklahoma can completely figure out the medical marijuana thing and we get rolling (pun intended) as growers here at The Compound. I heard Cousin Fred talking last night about investigating the possibility of cannabis-infused hedgeapple slices. Good gawd, we’re all going to hell out here! But, I’m beginning to realize that we’re actually in step with the rest of America. For example, did you hear about the 37-year-old woman in Oregon who has been arrested 39 (read as, THIRTY-NINE) times since 2011? What the hell happened to the (wholly ridiculous) three strikes law intended to take career (even petty career) criminals off the streets, you ask? Good question! Our Ma Barker wannabe was most recently arrested for stealing an ambulance that was idling by the road while the paramedics in charge of said vehicle were busy trying to do CPR on some poor guy dying on the side of the road. With me so far? Ma took the emergency vehicle and then sped through town in it before hitting Interstate-5 where she led police on a 30-mile chase at speeds exceeding 85mph at times. Finally, the cops used a spike strip over the road to bring her to a screeching halt at which time she was arrested. Now then, as for all her other 38 arrests, they include disorderly conduct, trespassing, criminal mischief, harassment, DUI (a few of those), menacing, meth possession (there’s a surprise) and violating parole (too name a few). In 2017 alone, she was arrested 10 times. Not exactly a criminal mastermind, is she? Hey, Ma, CRIMINAL MASTERMINDS DO NOT GET CAUGHT. Dumbass! I know, I know, the hedonists among you are saying, “Hey, the girl just wants to have fun and live life on her terms!” Fredriche is now considering making her a case study for a new self-help book tentatively called, “You Can’t Possibly Have Too Much Fun.” It’ll be available wherever grocery store tabloids are sold or the corner of a couch needs propping up. When she was arrested for the ambulance heist, she was quoted as telling officers that she didn’t understand “Why would they (EMTs) would leave it (ambulance) unlocked” and our personal favorite, “F*ck, I’m going to prison.” Indeed, you are princess, indeed you are. That is all! Comments are closed.
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