Editorial Note: Howdy. Chief Blogger Robin is on a road trip this week to retrieve his motorcycle from the East Coast. In his absence, CCB will be running blasts from the past. Today's offering is from exactly five months ago (April 7, 2015). Enjoy!
Here at the compound, we’re being overrun…again. As our dedicated readers (all none of you) may recall, a few weeks ago, we were providing sanctuary to flocks of lesser prairie-chickens on the run from the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation. After that, I told the wife, no more wild fowl sanctuary. I’m still cleaning up the mess left behind. But, she’s done it to me again. She saw an article in today’s Woodward News that the spring hunting season for turkey started yesterday. She was suddenly in a panic to get as many of the winter flock as possible into the compound. So, once again, here we are providing bird sanctuary. In the meantime, she’s been tearing around on the quad posting signs at the edge of the property that indicates turkey season is cancelled and it’s now jackrabbit season. The toughest part has been keeping my mutts, Sooner and Molly, in check…they’ll get over it. I pointed out to the wife that I didn’t really think posting signage around the property cancelling spring turkey season in favor of spring jackrabbit season (ain’t much to look at but they’re good eating once you get past the ear ticks) wasn’t going to work. That’s when I hit upon an idea that virtually sprang from the pages of the same edition of Woodward News. There on the front page was the germ of an idea that would protect her beloved spring turkeys and appease the hordes of hunters who are constantly banging on the front door asking for permission to hunt. It seems the Woodward County Commissioners in their regular meeting on Monday tabled action on a burn ban for the county. Consideration for implementing a ban was based in the number of grass fires over the past week or so. At the heart of resisting the ban for another week is a desire to provide farmers and ranchers the opportunity to do controlled burns on their property. My idea is to take advantage of a delayed burn ban by holding the NW Oklahoma version of the annual Burning Man festival in Nevada (nothing says fun, fun, fun like burning a 105 foot human effigy in the middle of the desert in August!). But, I digress… So my plan is to build a 30 foot (note that I’m starting with a reasonable size) effigy of two copulating turkeys (hey, it’s still mating season you know). We’ll invite turkey hunters from all over to attend the festival, which I’m tentatively calling the Burning Bird Festival (I’m a clever lad, ain’t I?). The day will involve hunters dancing around the effigy with their shotguns raised in the air (kindly leave the ammo at home) to the heavy drumbeats of Sons of the Soiled. There will be BBQ and copious amounts of booze. After dark we’ll blast the old disco tune, “Love is in the Air” by John Paul Young through the speakers atop the 50-foot towers I've been building in anticipation of the thrash-metal-jam festival we’re planning for August. As the song play, we’ll burn the copulating turkey effigy to the ground. The idea here is that throughout history, burning an effigy of something you want to kill always increases your chances of bagging that something. Given the diminished numbers of spring turkeys over the past couple of years due to drought, I’m betting we’ll have a good turnout. Okay, I’m off to start building the effigy out of seriously flammable material (think basic unstable molecules)…what could possibly go wrong? Disclaimer – our disbarred and disgraced CCB attorney insists that we publish the following disclaimer: No actual copulating or non-copulating turkeys were burned or otherwise injured in the writing of the post. Also, CCB is only kidding about it being jackrabbit season and anyone with any sense knows not to eat a jackrabbit even if you can get past the ear ticks. CCB does not endorse the burning of monstrous effigies for any reason. Finally, we at CCB appreciate the dedicated efforts and attention of the Woodward County Commissioners in weighing the implementation of a burn ban…can we please get the paved road in front of the compound fixed now? Comments are closed.
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