Happy Monday, everybody! I’m just back from a weeklong trip to the East Coast to retrieve my motorcycle and (I thought) my BBQ grills. Fortunately, the motorcycle was still safely located in the garage. Unfortunately, someone had made off with my grills. Darn…and I was soooo looking forward to making pork butt again. Eh well, grills come and grills go, I guess. I just hope whoever misappropriated them uses them well.
While driving to Virginia and then back to Oklahoma, one thing became very apparent. Namely, there is a huge delta between the prices of gas in Woodward and other places in the country including other spots in Oklahoma! Why? How is it that gas prices in Woodward are so darned high? Here’s an example…in eastern Oklahoma, right off the interstate at one place we paid $1.95 per gallon. We found pretty much the same thing throughout Tennessee. That is a .34 cent difference between what you can find in Woodward today. Hell, yesterday I drove into Canadian, Texas and filled my tank for just a bit over $2.00 per gallon. Canadian, Texas…truly the center of nowhere. Now, that $2.29 per gallon in Woodward (as of this morning) is certainly less than the $2.59 per gallon it was just a few weeks ago so things are headed in the right direction. Does anyone else smell collusion among station owners in Woodward? I do. And speaking of colluding…well okay, not really, but I couldn’t think of a better segue. You long-time fans of this blog (at last count, there are four of you including the woman who keeps sending me email insisting that I based Kat, the female character in my book, on her – trust me, lady…you weren’t inspiration for anything), but I digress. Long-time readers may remember back in April a posting I did regarding how people in Oklahoma City have sex with their clothes on. For those of you too lazy to follow the link and read the original posting, here are the highlights (or lowlights depending on your point of view). Seems there were two decidedly inebriated lovers in OKC who decided to take up humping on the front lawn of their house on a heavily traveled street in NW OKC. Eventually, after several calls to 911 reporting two people having sex in front of a house, they were arrested for being drunk and indecent in public. Guess that was the best OCPD could come up with at the moment (bet there isn’t a law on the books in OKC about humping with clothes on, if there were, every teenager in Central Oklahoma would be a felon). I pondered the question at the time as to whether they were so drunk they didn’t realize they still had their clothes on. Regardless, I pointed out at the end of the post that, clothed or not, OCPD views spontaneous humpage while liquored up as a heinous crime. I would have thought that was enough coverage of that subject, but no. Ohhhh nooooo. Turn with me now toward Norfolk, Virginia where another couple took public sex to a new level entirely. Imagine if you will you’re coming out of the local shopping mall. It’s a beautiful late summer Wednesday afternoon. You’re sipping your Orange Julius and congratulating yourself on calling in sick for work that day. Stupid bald-headed, big-eared boss…bet he wishes he could sip an Orange Julius. You’re looking through the iMessages on your iPhone, reading all of the texts of “hope you’re okay” and “get well soon” from your co-workers. Oh sure, maybe you pushed it a bit by telling the receptionist when you called in sick that you are convinced that you have a terminal case of obstipation brought on by fecal impaction (see, that Time-Life Hypochondria Series of books did finally come in handy). By the time anyone figures it out, you will either be back to work (“I’m cured! Better living through modern chemistry!”) or you’ll milk it for another day off (assuming it doesn’t rain tomorrow). You’re making your way across the parking lot to where you parked when you see a small group of people gathered near your car. People have their smart phones in hand recording something. Not one to miss a chance to sell an iPhone-produced video to the local news at 4, 5, 6 and/or the special edition at 7PM, you start rolling camera like an erstwhile German film producer with a new monocle. As you push through the crowd, you can’t hardly believe what you’re seeing, but there it is. Big as day. In broad daylight. A near naked female seated atop what appears to be a male corpse humping away for all she’s worth. You immediately press “Record” not wanting to miss a single hump telling yourself that you’ll change your name to Otto (if you’re male) or Frieda (if you’re female). Achtung! Aktion! So, it seems that a really trashed (read as blotto drunk) couple tried to “make love” in the middle of a parking lot of a shopping mall in the Norfolk, VA area. The actual news report of the incident can be located here (definitely worth watching) – don’t worry, the parts have been blurred out. Parts is parts, after all. They probably should have blurred out the participants’ faces as well…just sayin’. According to WTKR News Channel 3 in Hampton Roads, VA, police arrived to find the woman bouncing on top of her (apparently) unconscious male partner. She was arrested for public (pubic?) drunkenness, but later released on bond. More charges may follow. She was apparently so drunk (how drunk was she?) that she didn’t realize she was being watched. Wow, now that is drunk! The thing that kills me is that the male participant wasn’t charged with anything. Seems to me it takes two to tango, but what the hell do I know. I’m betting he spotted the cops turning into the parking lot and made like he had passed out. He was taken to a hospital and later released. So, boys and girls, what have we learned here today? 1) Alcohol apparently reduces whatever inhibitions you might have to ZERO; 2) Humping in a parking lot in summer can cause severe burns and a bad case of roadrash; 3) When the cops show up, act like you’re unconscious they’ll feel sorry for you and not Taser your parts; and, 4) Whatever else you do, be sure to go on local news to explain yourself (your defense attorney will love that).
Regina
9/14/2015 02:08:48 pm
Here in Canyon Tx gas is 1.89. Haven't seen that in a long time. Just saying. Comments are closed.
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