Another Day, Another "Prison" (sic) Escape...

Okay, I’ll admit it.  It was a rough weekend here at the compound/Lake Mountebank.  First of all, the weather didn’t make for a great Memorable Memorial Day Weekend.  Monday was the best day weather-wise, but it was also “get-the-drunks-in-their-oil-leaking-RVs-the-hell-off-the-property-day” so we were busy shooing people in RVs back onto the road. 

The biggest lesson learned for me was that we need a security team for events here at the compound.  Sunday afternoon things got a little tense when two of the “happy” campers at Lake Mountebank squared off with dangerous weapons.  No, it wasn’t the switchblades that HRH Mary of Fallin is determined to put in the hands of every Oklahoman.  Nope, these two knuckleheads were circling each other with sporks.  Don’t think a spork can be a dangerous weapon?  Think again friends.  These two mutts were circling one another trying to get an angle to scoop out an eyeball.  Yeesh!

Note to self:  In future compound events serve only food that can be eaten with hands.

Oh sure, the individually-wrapped biodegradable utensil conflict was most likely fueled by a little too much Korean plum wine hooch.  Mr. Kim spent most of Saturday going from RV to RV in the rain with a goatskin wine bag proffering “samples” in exchange for “donations”…a generally agreeABLE situation (nyuk, nyuk), don’t you think?

Note to self:  In future compound events water-down the drinks to the point that they become sports hydration fluids.

Okay, enough of that nonsense.  On to more pressing matters.

Last week, we at CCB turned a story from the Woodward News about an escapee from William S. Key (whose motto translated from the Latin means, “Here’s a Bag of Oreos, the TV Remote, and the Keys to Your Cell…Now Behave!”) into a scathing revelation of how a misspelled word can give a completely different context to the subject at hand.  We at CCB are happy to report that last week’s escapee has been captured after stealing a pickup in Woodward and driving to Texas (whose state motto translated from the Latin means, “Give Us Your Dumbass Escapees, We’ll Change the Oil in Their Stolen Pickup”). 

But, I digress…the Country Club otherwise known as William S. Key Correctional Center in Ft. Supply had two more of its members escape early Monday morning.

According to a story in the Woodward News by our favorite Staff Writer, Rachael Van Horn, the two escapees were accounted for at the 3AM prisoner count.  At 4AM, the two were due to be awakened for kitchen duty and dummies were found in their beds.

Sigh…bet the dummies found in their beds were guards from William S. Key Country Club.  They probably needed a few zzzzz’s before the day shift took over.

Okay, this is three escapes in one week…gee, me thinks there’s a problem?  Maybe it’s time to start running the prison like a real prison with real locks and tall fences and guarded gates and stuff.  Are the guards keeping their bullets in their shirt pockets and not actually putting them into their guns?  Wait, the guards do have guns, don’t they? 

WTF????  This has been going on for years.  They bring in new wardens, all of whom assure the chamber of commerce that there’s a new marshal in town and things will be different.  Uh huh.

Here’s an idea…and granted my experience with law enforcement is confined to: a few citations for moving violations (I was framed); the time I was mugged in Arlington, Virginia (I was mugged); oh, and the time someone stole the four wheels off my ’94 Toyota Tercel (also, in Arlington, VA), but maybe they should consider putting a fence around the damned place to keep the inmates…oh, I don’t know…IN.  Maybe put a little razor wire along the top of the fence.  It’s worked up to this point in Guantanamo Bay. 

Seriously, enough is enough. 

Oh, by the way, if you happen to see a couple of dudes in prison garb hanging out at the water park or sneaking across the golf course, they’re probably not caddies.  Give the Woodward County Sheriff’s Office a call at 580-256-3264.

Oh, and if you’re a prisoner…er, member…of the William S. Key Country Club and you plan to escape…I would advise you to avoid coming to the compound.  Where I live, I AM 911.  Just sayin…