An Open Letter to Her Royal Highness Mary of Fallin

Ahem…I will now address myself to Her Royal Highness Mary of Fallin and, as long as I’m at it, the gang of idiots who “work” at the crumbling state facilities on North Lincoln Blvd in Oklahoma City.

Having moved here recently from the east coast and HAVING BEEN BORN IN THE GREAT STATE OF OKLAHOMA (I’m yelling for a reason, you’ll see below), I wish to point out how inefficient and unwieldy your attempts to keep “danged foreigners” out of Oklahoma have made doing any business with the state.  To wit:

I’m a rule follower.  I can’t help it.  Twenty-one years in the UNITED STATES Navy made me that way.  I cringed last year when I realized that my daughter’s car in Virginia was three months overdue for a state safety inspection.  Her response, “That’s how I roll, Dad.  I’m an outlaw.”  That nearly caused me a stroke.

So it was that I dutifully reported to the Oklahoma Driver’s License Division on Tuesday of this week to turn in my Virginia license and obtain an Oklahoma driver’s license.  Before I could even get the Virginia license out of my wallet, the person waiting on me informed me that Oklahoma requires persons applying for a driver’s license to show proof of citizenship.   I would have to present a valid U.S. passport or a valid birth certificate with a raised seal if I wanted a driver’s license.  I pointed out that I had a U.S. NAVY issued military ID card (retired), but no…had to show a valid passport or valid birth certificate with a raised seal.  Having recently moved here, I was confident there was a passport in a box somewhere at the compound.  Finding it would be another matter.

So, I left there…drove back to the compound…searched a few boxes and found my passport.  Thank goodness I could prove I was born here!  The NEXT day, I drove back to the Driver’s License Division feeling rather smug that they wouldn’t turn me away again.  The person waiting on me took all of the information, took my picture, took my fingerprints (no, I’m not kidding) and then handed me a form to take to the Woodward County Tag Office to get my license.  HUH?

Completely bewildered I was as I drove across town (granted, it’s only two miles) to the Tag Office where, as near as I can tell, they filled out duplicate paperwork…TOOK ANOTHER PICTURE (still looked like a photo of a young John Wayne), TOOK ANOTHER SET OF FINGERPRINTS (again, I’m not kidding) and then finally gave me the license.  No explanation as why it’s a two-part event.  HEY, STATE OF OKLAHOMA, IF YOU’RE GOING SEND PEOPLE TO TWO DIFFERENT PLACES TO OBTAIN A LICENSE WHY NOT LOCATE THE TWO OFFICES TOGETHER?!  Just sayin’…

Curiously, in all of this the woman at the Tag Office who waited on me told me she really likes the Virginia Driver’s Licenses because they have the hologram built in.  At first it struck as odd that there are that many people from Virginia moving here, but then something else popped into my head.  I recall reading an article a few months ago that because the State of Oklahoma refuses to comply with Federal guidelines on how a proper driver’s license should look, after a certain date (and that may be December 31st this year) if you plan to fly anywhere, domestic or overseas, you’ll have to show a passport if you’re an Oklahoman because the TSA will no longer recognize Oklahoma driver’s licenses as valid identification documents.  HEY, STATE OF OKLAHOMA…you can butt heads with the Feds all you want, but they make the rules.  Is it really worth it to inconvenience your taxpaying citizens and possibly strand them someplace because they left Oklahoma on December 24th and are trying to return to Oklahoma on January 2nd because you’re having a d**k-measuring contest with Obama?  Seriously?   

And, they wonder why I drink. 

p.s., I will say that the employees who waited on me in both locations were very pleasant…I get it, they’re just following rules made by the idiots in OKC who obviously don’t have to wait in line for anything.