Abusive English teachers and Cousin Fred still missing. It's gonna be a fabulous week...you'll see!

Good morning everyone! It’s Monday! Time to drag your hungover, pathetic selves outta bed and make your way into the Cosmic City to make money for the Man! Whomever or whatever, that Man may be.

There, my job is done. I’ve pretty much handed English classes all over the region a paragraph they can spend all week dissecting and then send me hate emails asking where the heck I learned to write.

Next!

Haha, just kidding. Truth be told, it was a good weekend here at The Compound. Well, unless you count football. There wasn’t one team I was pulling for that actually won their game. Well, except one…Sam Bradford came through for the Vikings in their win against Green Bay. Sir Adrian was all but carried off the field though sources say that it was a minor injury and he’ll be back.

The Swooners got creamed by Ohio State. I listened to too much post-game analysis following the debacle in Norman on Saturday night. The camps are divided: blame Stoops for everything vs. it’s not Stoops fault. I think everyone knew it would be a tough year given the talent they gave up last year. It’s gonna be a long season.

The Pokes managed to pull out a win against Pitt, though Pittsburgh gave them a run for the money.

And, then the Redskins gave it their all, but fell flat against Dallas.

Closer to home, there’s still no word from Cousin Fred. I did see that the Trump was in Norman yesterday to beg for more cash. Her Royal Highness Mary of Fallin was up front warming up the crowd. Before and after the event, I’m sure she was bugging him about a cabinet position, “So have you made a decision? No? When will that happen? You gotta get me the hell out of here!” and later the same day, “How about now? Have you made any decisions? I’d be real good at Homeland Security.”

So somewhere out there in the vast wasteland, Cousin Fred is driving a semi-hot Lexus, crisscrossing the U.S. in pursuit of the Trump’s entourage, hoping to catch up to Gigi, the hairdressing hydrologist.

In the meantime, the Francesca languishes in the county jail. Apparently, her extradition hearing was postponed on Friday when the deputies ran out of shackles to move her to the courtroom.

The good news for me is that they apparently found her contraband cell phone, so I stopped getting texts every 10 minutes.

While it was peaceful enough around here this weekend, I’m starting to miss having Cousin Fred around. I even went out to weed eat around Hellkat One’s trailer. Figure I’ll keep things nice for when he returns.

The Wife is busy planning her next fabulous vacation. She stays locked in her bedroom all day though she does take in the tray of food that I leave at the door twice daily. Said she wants to stay safe and out of sight for when the Francesca busts out of jail. I told her that, as far as I know, no one has ever broken out of the new county jail.

Unlike the William S. Keyless Country Club, where escape (sorry, walk-off) activity has dropped dramatically since someone in the ODOC got the idea to put up a real fence around the place. Brilliant! Course, they still leave the front gate open (sigh).

I keep hoping to hear something from Cousin Fred. He’s out there somewhere…driving another 2000 miles overnight because there’s a rumor that the Trump is in Idaho or something.

Friends, have you noticed how there is barely a day that goes by where a teacher in Oklahoma is arrested on a charge of having sexual relations with a student? I mean, when I was a student in Cosmic City High, there were rumors, but I don’t recall anyone being led away in handcuffs.

Do you think this is some new phenomenon? I don’t mean to make light of abhorrent criminal activity…although I generally do precisely that on a daily basis in this stupid blog. But, seriously…what the hell is going on?

And, beyond the Lothario gym teachers and Seductress English teachers, there seems to be a spate of abusive educators beginning to emerge.

Take, for instance, a high school English teacher in Canada (pictured), who was recently suspended without pay for allegedly telling a student to lick her where she farts.

Subsequent investigation by the board that licenses teachers in Canada is turning up an array of insults and abusive language by this red-headed, foul-mouthed educator since she began teaching in 2011.

Among the jewels, in 2015 she slapped a male student on the back of the head and told him he needed to grow some balls. She ridiculed one female student in front of a class, telling her she looked like a frumpy old lady.

Let’s see, she called out to one student who was carrying another student on his back, asking if he liked it from behind. Before showing a film to students that contained nudity, she commented that it was impossible to see the actor’s penis without a microscope.

She isn’t helping her case any…during an interview in connection with the investigation, she readily admitted to being verbally, physically, psychologically, and emotionally abusive to the little f*#kers.

Maybe if they dump her after the suspension, she can apply to teach in Oklahoma. Why not? We’re desperate.

 

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