A zombie John Paul Jones and The Trump hologram...it's in the script...Fourth of July Holiday Extravaganza ends...thankfully!

When we left off yesterday…eh, to hell with it. Read yesterday’s posting yourself, and the one from the day before, and the one from the day before that so you get the gist. Come on, people! Do I have to do everything for you?

Chip Twattler stepped in front of the camera to do his scene setting for the segment they were about to film for “Deranged Oklahoma.” The minion narrator dressed in a ninja outfit raised his bullhorn to object to the interruption, but Twattler asked for a moment of silence.

His scene setting then out of the way, Twattler came over to sit next to me, but not before admonishing his crew to get “every second of this madness.”

The “narration” began, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here to recreate one of the greatest battles in U.S. Navy history, the Battle of Trafalgar, in which a young America stamped its rule of the high seas on the rest of the world.”

Twattler and I looked at one another. He said, “America was involved in Trafalgar?” It was news to me.

At that moment, the doorway to Hellkat One’s trailer flew open and out stepped Cousin Fred dressed as Horatio Lord Nelson (I, of course, recognized him having just finished the seminal book, “The Life of Nelson”). Blue satin uniform with medals, a sword and an eye patch…oh and a powdered wig.

Gigi was behind him, dressed as Pierre-Charles-Jean-Baptiste-Silvestre de Villeneuve, the French naval officer in charge of the French and Spanish fleets at Trafalgar.

Cousin Fred, er…Lord Nelson…walked over and got into one of the bass boats mounted on a trailer upon which a British flag was unfurled. Gigi…Admiral Villenueve…mounted one of the other bass boats upon which the flags of France and Spain were uncased.

Hmmmm…there was still one bass boat left. Its colors were still cased.

Cousin Fred stepped up into the bow of his boat and declared, “Everybody do what you’re supposed to!”

At that point, several of the ninja minions picked up the tongue of the trailer and began moving around the French/Spanish boat.

Gigi, in the bow of her own boat, screamed, “Oui, oui, sacre bleu!” and her minions began moving her “ship” around.

About that time, Cousin Fred began lighting pop bottle rockets in his hand and threw them at the French/Spanish vessel. Gigi pointed a lighted roman candle at the British fleet. Fight’s on! It was madness I’m telling you!

I could hear the Wife cackling from the rooftop. She began throwing wine cooler bottles. Fortunately, the reenactors were out of range of her throwing arm. She was now screaming, “Avast ye, scurvy dog foreigners! Avast ye!” More cackling.

The film crew kept turning to get video of the Wife and then turning back to the fight unfolding before us.

The melee continued for several minutes with the occasional minion having a rocket explode at his feet. That was followed by a stream of profane language and said minion trying to steer their vessel into the other.

While all of this was going on, we didn’t notice that another crew of ninja minions had manned the tongue of the third bass boat, apparently ready for action.

The narrator bullhorned at us (though he was only a few feet away), “The battle reached a fevered pitch, with Lord Nelson taking a mortal wound.” He paused to look back at the British ship, but Cousin Fred remained standing, giving the narrator the finger. “But, still Lord Nelson, hero of the British Navy stood, directing fire onto the scoundrel French-Spanish fleet. Who will save the day? Who?” The narrator punctuated the “who”…making certain everyone knew something else was coming. “Why…none other than American naval hero John Paul Jones, of course!”

Twattler and I looked at one another. He said, “Wasn’t John Paul Jones dead at this point in history?”
I responded, “I guess it’s in the script.”

I even heard the Wife gasp, up on the roof, “What the …”

Out from Hellkat One’s trailer steps none other than Friend Lamont from western Arkansas dressed as JPJ.

He moved toward the third bass boat and uncased the U.S. flag (50 stars, guess they couldn’t find an early American version). He mounted the boat declaring, “I didn’t start this here fight, but I’m a gonna finish ‘er!”

With that, his minions began moving his vessel toward the others. Friend Lamont began lighting largish sky rockets at his opponents who turned their measly ordnance on his fast approaching trailer.

Soon fireworks were flying everywhere. Twattler and I ducked more than one incoming unguided rocket.

At one point, I saw Gigi duck down, screaming, “Merde!”

Lord Nelson took a rocket directly to the chest, which knocked him from his boat.

Friend Lamont’s minions continued circling his vessel as John Paul Jones addressed the “crowd.”

“Let it be known, the true path to peace is through superior firepower!”

Just when you didn’t think it could get any weirder…we heard a helicopter approaching. And then, there it was. It was the same black helo that we saw deliver the boxes and pull the boats from the earth here at The Compound the day before.

It hovered above us and then a beam of light from a laser came down, it was a hologram of The Trump.

The hologram spoketh thus (sic), “Thanks to everyone for attending my production of this re-creation of an important moment in American history. It was huuuuuuuge! And let this lesson stand, that no matter what the odds, America will always vanquish its foes, real or perceived. That is all!”

With that, the light went out and the helicopter flew off.

Twattler ran to his camera crew asking if they “got it all?”

So, that was the Fourth of July Holiday Extravaganza here at The Compound. Aren’t you glad you weren’t here?

I have no idea when the “Deranged Oklahoma” segment featuring everyone here will be aired. I would suggest everyone call Fox 25 in OKC and ask for Chip Twattler to find out.

That is all!

---