A White House reboot...McGahn is McGone...the blue fish swims in muddy water...idiot criminal allegedly holds up a Braum's with a hammer...jackbooted thugs...Mr. Robin is headed back to D.C...it's the end of the world as we know it!

Well, it’s Monday. Hope everyone had a great weekend and things are getting back to normal for you following the events of the past couple of days. But, in the big scheme of things, what is normal, you know? The blue fish swims in muddy water. If this opening paragraph seems a bit chaotic, it is…on purpose. I’m honing my skills at deception, subterfuge and surreptitiousness.

Why, you ask? Well, I’m on my way back to D.C. I’m not really looking forward to it either. Did you see the news this morning? Apparently, there’s a (yet another) revolution about to take place and I don’t want to be caught in the middle of it. I just hate landing in the middle of a firefight.

Apparently, The Trump is planning to fire all of his top advisors, in a move that is more reminiscent of a president late in his term who is trying his best to keep special prosecutors and/or impeachment attorneys at bay.

Reportedly, on the chopping block is Sean “Spicy” Spicer (aka, Hides in the Bushes – and not in a good way), the press secretary who can’t seem to quite keep up with his boss. Next is this administration’s version of Lord Vader, Steve “Banned from the NSC” Bannon who recently fell out of favor with his boss. There’s also Reince “Twice” Priebus, chief of staff, who no one has seen on TV much lately.  And, finally, White House counsel Don “I’m McGone” McGahn.

Their crimes? Who knows? Well, it’s been reported that Priebus tried to break The Trump’s thumbs to slow down the tweets, but other than that, no one seems to know. The WH counsel is an interesting add to the mix. Perhaps all of this is because The Trump is mad because no one can make the alleged Russian investigation go away? He fired Comey, hoping that would put the brakes on, but noooooooooo.

I tell you, daytime drama ain’t got nothin’ on The Trump’s administration! And, here I go winging my way back east and straight into an acid-drenched milieu.  

But, remain calm, dedicated readers (all four of you). Throughout it all I expect to be able to continue my nearly daily missives from Jerusalem on the Potomac. Unless, of course, the jackbooted thugs at TSA seize my laptop.

“Hey, you jackbooted thug, I have the constitutional right to make a jackass out of myself with a nearly daily blog! Hands off the laptop, you cretinously savage nematode!”

Kindly forward a cake with a hacksaw blade and file to my cell, gentle readers.

Every once in a while, I feel compelled to advise people bent on a life of crime. Just helping them get their start, you know? I mean most criminals are complete idiots and do some of the dumbest things.

Take, for instance, the Oklahoma City woman, in a bright yellow Batman t-shirt, who allegedly tried to hold up a Braum’s store in OKC using a hammer and a pit bull on Sunday. No, seriously.

So, this woman lives in a state where every citizen (including newborns) possesses 4.6 weapons per and she attempts “armed” robbery with a hammer?

Really?

No one in the Braum’s took her seriously so she used her hammer to smash a credit card machine on the counter and then started beating on the cash register. Finally, the clerk just hit a button and the drawer opened.

At that point, Maxine and her silver hammer and her mutt, ran off with a small amount of cash. They would run and then she would heave the dog over a fence before jumping said fence herself. That was followed by more running.

As you can imagine, OKC’s crack crime fighting team was in hot pursuit. Pretty soon, the dog stopped running with the woman and started running with the cops thinking it was all great fun.

She got caught. She’s in jail on a robbery with a dangerous weapon charge, to wit: a hammer (Ace is the place). The pitbull is likely in the pound, probably wondering, “What did I do?”

Friends, if you intend to take up a life of crime, allow me to give you some advice…please.

First of all, pick your target. A dollar store is probably a better pick than a Braum’s, unless of course it’s a Saturday. Then, Braum’s is rolling in cash from wayward drivers trying to find a casino and in bad need of a sugar fix.

Choose your wardrobe better, just in case you actually get away with it. Bright yellow Batman tees are a bit…ummmm, conspicuous and easily remembered.

Leave Phideaux at home. When the heat is on, dogs become confused about their loyalty…kind of like a Trump WH aide.

Seriously, leave the hammer at home with your out of work construction worker boyfriend. Nothing says I mean business like a pistol, loaded or not.

Okay, that it. My work is done here.

I’m off to D.C.

That is all!
 

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