A New Year, New State Govt Shenanigans...Robin Says, I Told You So!

Okay, let me just jump in here with a very loud “HA!” One more time, “HA!” I won’t say I told you so just yet. Okay, actually I probably will later in this posting, but for now, “HA!”
 
Again, there will be more later in this posting. HA!, I’m tellin’ ya!
 
So we’re off and flying with a brand new year and a fresh Oklahoma legislative session. I can barely contain my excitement. HA! Oh, and I achieve the double bonus this year since it’s also a presidential election year. These blog postings will practically write themselves in 2016! HA!
 
Yes sir, I’m telling you, it’s gonna be great. You’ll see.
 
Sunday night, following dinner, Cousin Fred finally unveiled his latest invention. He told the Wife and me that he had a something new he had invented that he wanted to show us. I noticed the Wife begin to cast furtive glances at the drawer where she hides her filterless Camels for just such news.
 
Cousin Fred reached beneath the table and came up with a plain brown box. From inside he produced something that looked vaguely like an upside down clear glass bowl with a leather strap hanging beneath and two small propellers attached atop two six inch dowels that had somehow been secured to what had been the bottom of the bowl. Wires ran down the dowels from whatever the propellers were attached to atop the dowels.
 
I looked at the Wife, who was beginning to twitch. I looked back at Cousin Fred who was, of course, beaming with pride at his latest invention. Then I noticed that circling what had been the bottom of the bowl were probably eight USB ports encircling the round bottom, which was now the top.
 
I looked back over at the Wife, who had now produced a bottle of Jack Daniel’s from beneath the table and was taking slugs straight from the bottle. She wasn’t going to be of any help. I knew then I would have to ask the hard question.
 
With a deep sigh, I asked, “So, what the hell is this?”
 
Cousin Fred seemed genuinely hurt that I didn’t know. He told me that it was the world’s first wind-generator powered eight port USB hub.
 
I don’t think I changed the expression on my face. I was absolutely stunned. I heard the Wife take another pull on her bottle.
 
She swallowed hard and said to me, “Go on. Ask him. Ask him!”
 
“How does it work,” I asked?
 
“Let’s go outside and I’ll show you!”
 
As devoted readers may remember, his last invention test nearly caused my untimely demise. Reluctantly, I followed him out the front door, imagining that I was making the walk from a cell on death row to the execution chamber.
 
There was a steady breeze coming out of the north that night. It was darned cold too.
 
Cousin Fred instructed me to put the bowl on my head. I kept telling myself that I was going to be fine. Glass doesn’t conduct electricity, does it?
 
The Wife had moved out onto the porch and was chain smoking her filterless Camels and watching as Cousin Fred adjusted the straps. I could hear a buzz from the propellers turning.
 
“Okay, so now what,” I asked? Stupid me.
 
“I’ll be right back.” He disappeared into the house and returned again with another box. From inside the box he produced several USB devices, some of which I didn’t recognize at first.
 
“My invention allows you to utilize USB devices or simply recharge them no matter where you as long as you can get a breeze.”
 
He continued, “So here we have a Kindle, thanks for loaning that to me. We have a couple of toys that someone might keep on their desk at work and plug into a USB port. There are a couple of USB-powered sex toys that I found on the internet. Imagine, cousin, sex toys that operate from a computer.”
 
As he said this an altogether too-phallic looking thing dropped in front of my face and began buzzing loudly. 
 
Cousin Fred continued his plug-and-play. Finally, he asked me for my iPhone, which I handed over very reluctantly. The iPhone was now dangling on the side of my face, just inside my peripheral vision.
 
At that moment, something I had read recently popped into my brain. That most USB powered devices use lithium batteries. I was just about to ask Cousin Fred if he had regulated the charge from his wind-generators, when things dangling around my head began to emit heat and smell funny.
 
The next thing I knew, my cell phone dangling on the side of my face exploded. The phallic sex toy was next, which fired off like an unguided missile launched by deranged North Koreans.
 
Cousin Fred was jumping around me screaming, “He’s going to die! He’s going to die!”
 
The wife, rather nonchalantly walked off the porch with a fire extinguisher that she had brought out onto the porch with her for just such a mishap and extinguished the remaining flames.
 
Fortunately, the glass bowl was made of Pyrex and prevented much damage, though I have what appears to be a sunburn on the lower third of my head and face.
 
I looked at Cousin Fred through the smoke and asked if he had done anything to regulate the power coming from his wind-generators.
 
He smiled and said, “Nope.”
 
Okay, okay, okay…now for the HA! news.
 
It seems that with the New Year, we also now have new state government shenanigans. AND, I can honestly say that I knew this was going to happen eventually. AND, I can also proudly say, that CCB was the first to report it.
 
As you may recall, we here at CCB in the past have raised questions about the Oklahoma Attorney General’s “Evidence Fund” … a veritable slush fund of millions of dollars that he receives annually from the State’s Tobacco Settlement. No one will talk about the Evidence Fund, how it’s used, it’s real purpose…nada. 
 
According to a KFOR TV news report, the Oklahoma State Auditor wants to audit the attorney general’s office as they are supposed to do with every state agency.
 
According to KFOR, the OAG’s office has not been audited since Scott Pruitt took office and in fact, the last time was in 2009.
 
OKLAHOMA LAW mandates that the state auditor audit all state agencies.
 
OAG says nope. They won’t allow the state auditor to audit their books and activities. Instead, Pruitt’s office has put out a request for bids for an independent auditor to come in and see what they’re up to.
 
Obviously, an independent audit paid for by OAG can be manipulated…er, guided…by OAG.
 
Does anyone else here smell a rat? Me thinks, the OAG doesn’t want anyone sniffing around in his Evidence Fund and how that $$$$$$$$$$ is being spent.
 
If you read this and have any insights, please give me a call.
 
Oh wait, I no longer have a cell phone. Okay, just send me an email.